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We were all shackled to this house like a great oak to its roots. There was no escaping this. Not until we all came of age and got out.
She was a baby having babies and it broke her!”
“There’s no sane way of understanding madness, love, so don’t drive yourself crazy trying to.”
I felt like I wanted to pull on the chains shackling me to this house and break free. I had no idea where the notion had come from, but it was there, it was real, and it was encouraging me to dust myself off and fight back. To be brave and turn this life around for myself.
“I couldn’t protect her.” Shaking his head, he exhaled a broken sob. “I couldn’t protect any of them.” “That’s not your job.” My heart hammered wildly in my chest. Jesus. I felt like I was drowning in his pain. “You’re not supposed to protect them. They’re supposed to protect them. They’re supposed to protect all of you, lad. Including you.”
but it’s temporary. It’s not real, Joey. And it’s not going to fix anything. All of your problems will still be there waiting for you, regardless of how much powder you snort up your nose or how many tablets you toss down your throat. You can smoke all the weed you want, drown yourself in a bottle of whiskey, shoot yourself up with every drug known to mankind, and it won’t change a damn thing because life will still be waiting in the wings to kick your ass when you come to. I also know that if you keep going down this road, you’ll get to a point where you won’t be able to find your way back.”
an affair that had come out in glorious fashion a few short months later, and Mam knew. She knew and instead of throwing him out, she took to her bed.
Stop worrying about everyone else and think about yourself for a change. Live your life.”
I wasn’t entirely sure who I was as a person yet, or where I fit in the world, but I did know that I needed my friends to like me for me and not because they felt sorry for me.
I wanted to hit pause on my life and just keep her.
“I’m just so tired of being here,” she confessed in a small voice. “I’m trying, you know, to just get on with it. To not dwell and to just be grateful, but I’m not grateful and I can’t move on. I feel like I’m still trapped, and every day I’m getting closer to the day when I won’t be here anymore.”
“I’m constantly on edge, all the time, waiting for the sadness because that’s what I’m used to—what I’m programed to feel, expect, and live with.”
“Life has its own built-in weighing scales.” He shrugged. “It can’t be all bad all of the time, the same as it can’t be all good. Something’s got to give.”
Usually, I was terrified of the unknown, but with him, I had a burning curiosity.
Freedom suited her.
Every morning when I woke up for school, it was with hope in my heart because I knew I would get to see him.
I had an issue with my brain. It moved too quickly, thought up too much crazy shite, whizzed around too fast.
“He’s a broken little boy trapped in a grown man’s body, and he needs us.”
every time she cried, I just wanted to scream.
“Sometimes Robin has to take the lead.”
want to go back to when we were little and beg her to love herself more than she feared him. To just love us more than she loved him…”
A single tear rolled down my cheek as I watched the boy who had saved my life on countless occasions finally reap the rewards he so justly deserved.
there wouldn’t be another me, and that was my strength, my special power. I would never be a rocket scientist or a world-class rugby player, but I was a survivor, and a damn good one at that.
know that probably makes me a terrible friend, but I honestly don’t have any more room, Johnny.” “Any more room for what, baby?” “Pain,” she whispered, blue eyes locked on mine. “Sadness.” My chest squeezed tight at her words. “Shan.” “I’m happy,” she hurried to say, her words a breathy rush. “I’m so happy, Johnny. For the first time in my life. I feel safe. I feel alive, good, and I just… I don’t… I want to stay in my happy place. Just for a little bit. Is that really bad of me?”
