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“I’m not afraid of loving a boy,” I told her honestly. “I’m afraid of losing myself in one.”
“Make sure you do.” She laughed. “Because I’ve put an awful lot of effort into saving you, six.”
“Bullshit. Comfortable isn’t as good as it gets,” Joey challenged, narrowing his eyes. “You shouldn’t settle for comfortable, Molloy. You shouldn’t settle for anything less than being in love to the point of madness. The only person that you should be settling for is the person who unsettles you the most. The person who drives you to the brink of suicide because he or she makes you feel so fucking much that you can’t catch your breath or remotely function without them.
“And what’s more is you won’t want to. You won’t want to breathe, or feel, or fucking function without them. That’s how you’ll know that it’s a real relationship, Molloy. Only when you’re feeling the most discomfort you’ve ever felt in your entire life should you even consider settling. Because that’s when you’ll know you’re in love, which sounds to me like a hell of a lot nicer way to live than settling for someone you have nothing in common with because it’s comfortable.”
“Listen, the only one I’ve ever been able to depend on being there is my shadow, and that’s how I like it,”
“I don’t care about people because I can’t afford to. I don’t have the time in my life or the space inside of my head to allow myself to care about anyone other than my family. That’s me, okay? That’s who I am. I can’t afford to care, Molloy.”
“Well, that sucks beca...
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“I care about you, Joey, and I a...
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“You’re just afraid to admit it,”
“Because that means you’ll have to acknowledge the fact that there’s a girl sitting
right in front of you who cares about you for no other reason than that she just does! A girl who isn’t depending on you to do anything for her other than be her friend! A girl who sees just how much of an asshole you can be but cares about you regardless, because I do, Joe. I absolutely fuck...
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“Who the hell knows ...
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“I care.” Reaching out a hand, he grabbed the front of the hoodie I was wearing—his hoodie—and fisted the fabric as he pulled me back to him, our bodies flush together. “I care. I care. I care,” he repeated, eyes locked on mine as his hand moved up to cup my neck. “Too much.” “See?” Blowing out a ragged breath, I sagged forward, letting my head fall against his chest. “That’s all I wanted to hear.” “I know, Molloy.” Resting his chin on my head, he sighed heavily. “I know.”
“And…” She cast a glance to the kitchen door behind her and then shook her head. “And fuck him.”
That’s my girl. “That’s the spirit.”
“I’m irreplaceable.” That she was.
“It’s the truth.” Releasing a pained groaned, he croaked out, “Only thing I’ve ever done right in my life is leave you alone.”
“I thought I hurt you tonight,” he finally said, breaking the heavy silence between us. “When I woke up and saw you there? I thought I did something we couldn’t take back. I was so fucking relieved when you told me that we didn’t.” Exhaling a heavy sigh, he added, “But the way you’re looking at me right now makes me wish
we had.” He shook his head and turned away. “At least if we had, then I could understand the disappointed look in your eyes.” “Joe.” I sucked in a sharp breath as he started to walk away. “Joey, wait. I—” “I’ll be seeing ya, Molloy,” he called over his shoulder. And then he was gone.
It’s this scent you remember, my brain quickly recognized, and this hair.
She blew out a shaky breath and nodded. “Oh, I’ve been sold on you for a long time now, Joey Lynch.”
“You need to run.” She shook her head. “I don’t run.” “Run,” I desperately urged. “Run, Molloy.” “I’m staying right here,” she whispered. “With you.” “Molloy.”
“I know who you are,”
I wasn’t seeing straight, couldn’t fucking think straight, as a concoction of God only knew what floated through my veins, and yet there she
was, crystal clear in front of me, making the rest of the haze, of the whole fucking world, just fade away.
“The quintessential lost boy.” Her lips grazed mine as she spoke. “Don’t worry, Peter...
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“But don’t ever think that I don’t have feelings,”
“Because the only time that I allow myself to feel anything is when I’m with you.”
“Dad hit Shannon,” Tadhg bit out. “So I hit Dad.” He spat out another glob of bloodied snot. “Dad hits harder.”
“Don’t hate me, Molloy,” Joey mumbled, falling into the passenger seat the moment I let him go to open the car door. “You’re all I have to wake up for in the morning.”
