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“I might not be the biggest dog in the fight,” I begrudgingly conceded, “but I always have the sharpest teeth.”
“I can’t figure out if that backbone of yours will be your saving grace or your downfall.”
“I don’t want fifty more girls,” I replied, twisting back to find her still watching me. “I just want that girl.”
“Does it matter?” I countered, needing to regain some ground I had lost to this powerhouse of a girl. “We both know that you’ll be calling me ‘baby’ by the end of the day.”
Dad never hit Darren like he hit me. He was the firstborn, the golden boy. I was the spare.
Panic would consume me, and nine times out of ten, I would spring out of bed and stand guard outside my sister’s bedroom, terrified that she possessed something an animal like our father would eventually come looking for.
“He’s going to kill you, Mam,” I lashed out. “Don’t you get that? Can’t you hear me? You’re going to die in this house. If you don’t get away from him, you’re going to die here. I can feel it in my bones…”
“Don’t you love yourself? Don’t you love me?”
“In what way?” I demanded, chest heaving. “In looks? Because if it’s in looks, then that’s not my fault. I can’t help who I look like, but I am nothing like that man in any other way.” “You are,” she said before leaving the room. “In every way.” And with those words, my mother cut me deeper and more viciously than my father ever had. Ever could.
Casey always joked that Joey Lynch would never reach his twenty-fifth birthday.
“Make sure you do.” She laughed. “Because I’ve put an awful lot of effort into saving you, six.”
If you don’t get out of this house, you’re going to die in it…
“Well, that minor disagreement has earned you your first suspension of the school year,” she snapped. “Congratulations.” Clapping her hands together mockingly, she asked, “Is there anything you’d like to say for yourself?” “Yeah. We won the game last Friday,” I replied with a shrug. “And I was man of the match.”
could go a fair bit crazy over you, Molloy.” His lips brushed against my brow as he said, “Stay out of my head now, ya hear?”
“I’ll be seeing ya, Molloy.”
The feelings I knew I should have weren’t present inside the gaping hole in my chest. I was fucked. There was no point in denying it. No point in fighting it, either. Not when my own mother didn’t have faith in me. “You’re just like him. In every way.”
I watched as they clamped the umbilical cord that connected him to our mother, and I wondered if the cord that attached me to her had ever been truly severed. It was invisible but still connecting me deeply to the woman who bore me. I wanted to let it all go. To just let the pain and pressure fall from my shoulders.
“Hmm,” Joey grumbled, nudging my shoulder back. “If it was anyone else, Molloy. If it was anyone else.” “But it’s me.” “It’s you,” he confirmed. “Pain in my hole.”
Keep your head, I mentally instructed myself. Do not pick up this pot of chili and throw it at them. Don’t do it, Aoife. You are too much of a princess for prison. Think of your nails. Just keep stirring.
I hated him. I wanted to hate him so much. I needed to hate him. You need to stop loving him first…
Exhaling a shaky breath, I reached across the table and laid down my hand, palm up. “Nice moves.” He stared at my hand for a long beat before slowly placing his hand on top of mine. “Nice everything.”
“It’s okay.” I forced a smile. “Everything is going to be okay.” “Yeah?” I nodded. “Yeah, Shan.” Because I won’t ever leave you.
“Your father wanted to name you Theodor after him,” he replied. “He said you were going to be just like him…” He paused to cough wheezily. “But you were no Teddy. You were Joseph.”
“My Joseph. My brave, brave boy. Terrible burdens. A cursed cross to carry. But always rising from the ashes. Always getting back up. Always the…protector.”
“Don’t give in to them,” he rasped, holding onto my hand with strength I was surprised he was capable of. “Promise me that you’ll…never…give in to them.” “Give in to who, Granda?” Gasping and wheezing for air, he looked me right in the eyes, green eyes on green and whispered, “The demons your father put in your head.”
“Any relationship that is held together because it’s comfortable isn’t a relationship worth having.”
It must be nice to be able to sleep at night without the fear of being dragged out from under the covers and beaten to within an inch of your life.
I could feel how much Molloy cared. It was emanating from her lips, and that made me want to do better, be better, straighten my shit out and be the fella she deserved.
“The quintessential lost boy.” Her lips grazed mine as she spoke. “Don’t worry, Peter Pan, I’ll be your Wendy.”
Being with her made me want to keep a clear head because I wanted to remember her.
“He thought that he could put her in a cage and slap a label on top saying Look, but don’t touch.” I shook my head. “That girl is her own person, lad. Believe me. Nobody’s going to cage her.”
“Because the only time that I allow myself to feel anything is when I’m with you.”
“No, not really, ya dope,” Tadhg replied, verbalizing my thoughts aloud. “Christ, where did he even come from?” “Mam’s privates,” Ollie replied with a shrug. “Same as you guys.” “Privates?” Tadhg gaped at our younger brother. “Who the hell says that?”
“I think I’m hemorrhaging vodka from my dick,”
“My boss’s daughter is my girlfriend.”
“I don’t see a future for us, but that’s not because I don’t want one with her. It’s because I don’t see a future for myself, period.”
“I absolutely don’t love you, Joey Lynch,” she breathed, fist knotting in my shirt as she tugged my face down to hers. “And I always won’t.”
Excited, I snatched up the box and flipped the lid open. Resting against the velvet padding interior was a tiny silver locket with the date 30.08.99 on the front. “That date…” I blew out a shaky breath. “It’s—” “The first day of first year,” he explained quietly. “The first time I laid eyes on you, and the first time I understood what it meant to have my heart beating for someone outside of my family.”
“Because I want to look that bastard in the eyes and show him that you have someone ready and willing to go to war both with you and for you.”
He will never want you more than he wants his next fix, Aoife.
“I have six children, and make no mistake when I tell you that I love each one of them equally. But there’s only one of my children that frightens me. Only one of my children is the walking reincarnation of his father.”
If the hurling ever failed Joey Lynch, he would make a mighty fine porn star.
“You cheeky little whore,” he snarled, hand tightening on the door. “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” “Oh, I know exactly who I’m talking to,” I snapped right back. Folding my arms across my chest I let him know in no uncertain terms that he didn’t wield an ounce of power or control over me. “Now, is Joey here or not?”
Woah the balls to Stand up to teddy lynch? Badassssssss
The instant the word promise came out of my mouth, Shannon smiled at me, and I knew that I’d fed that demon of insecurity that lived inside of her just enough to keep it at bay for a while.
“It’s like you know you’re about to get your ass handed to you by exposing yourself to this person, and you know that you’re fucking around on the edge of something that could potentially break and ruin you, but it’s just so damn thrilling, so consumingly addicting that you’re willing to take the risk and do just about anything to be with that person.”
None of the boys in our year could fight like Joey, because unlike the trivial fights they got into, when my boyfriend fought, it was a matter of life and death.
Because when someone threatened Joe, it sent him right back to that house where he had to fight for his life against a man who had caused so much posttraumatic stress inside of him that I doubted a lifetime of therapy could fix it.
“Because you might not love yourself, but I do. I love you enough for the both of us,”
She didn’t care. She didn’t give a damn about me. All I was good for was holding the fort. For carrying the burden. For taking the weight off her shoulders.
Any sympathy I had for Marie Lynch died in this book
