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“Come on,” he said in a coaxing tone as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, tucked me into his side, and led me out of school. “I’ll take care of you.”
Get your ass away from this girl before you do something stupid like lose your heart as well as your head, my brain hissed as I tore out of the car park, nerves shot to hell. Too late, asshole, my heart taunted.
A lifetime of striving to be the best. The fear of not being good enough. And the constant, sinking feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.
This girl is different, my stupid fucking brain chanted. This one is for keeps.
You could love this girl your whole life, the crazy thought persisted inside my brain over and over, if you just let yourself.
“Having a vagina doesn’t automatically tie you to a cooker—or a fucking hoover.”
“This is my favorite picture,” Johnny said, stirring me from my thoughts. He tapped the photo. “And he’s my hero.” “Your dad?” I whispered, eyes glued to the photo. “That’s you with your mam and dad?” “Yeah,” Johnny replied. “In all our glory.”
“Of course, I like you.” He tugged on his hair and sighed. “I think it’s pretty fucking clear that I’m mad about you.”
I’m yours. Please be gentle with me because I’m here to stay.
Stop lying to yourself, my brain hissed. You love him with every piece of your fractured heart…
“She makes my heart go, like, whoa.” “Is that right?” he mused. “So bad, Da.” I sighed. “Boom, boom, fucking boom.” I shook my head. “All the time.”
“If you do not make it this summer, then you do not make it this summer,” he repeated. “You are still Johnny Kavanagh. You are still an honor student. You are still a good man. And you are still my best decision.”
we brought you into this world, and every single painful moment in your life that you endure, and every obstacle you stumble over, we’re there, Johnny. We’re right behind you, feeling everything. Your pain and frustration and fears. It’s all mirrored back to us. Your achievements are ours and your heartache is ours. Because you are all we have, Johnny. Just you. That’s it.”
