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Thank fuck for that, because you’re ruining all of me right now, I thought to myself.
“He knocked you over, tore your clothes off, and then he put his jersey on you?”
“What the hell are gooey eyes?” “Swooning eyes,” Gibsie snapped, exasperated now. “Smoldering gazes. Fuck-me looks. I-want-to-eat-your pussy signals.”
All evening we had stuffed our faces with junk food, watched reruns of One Tree Hill, and gossiped about absolute nonsense.
“I think I’d die if I saw a penis coming toward me.” “Claire.” I chuckled. “Stop.” “She’s serious,” Lizzie informed me. “She’s afraid of the D.”
“Gerard!” Claire screamed at the top of her lungs, distracting us both. “Your cat is shitting in my bathtub!”
“They should have never neutered him. He’s been in a homicidal mood ever since. Would have been an easier life to let the poor bastard keep his balls.”
“Good pussy… That’s right… I love pussies… I do… I won’t hurt you—ahhhhh!”
“Jesus Christ,” Gibsie breathed. “Your girl here is like the pussy whisperer.”
I hated humans. They were such a disappointment. And to think God switched dinosaurs for man.
“You are so concerned with fighting the bullies at school, Mam,” I sobbed, tears streaming down my cheeks, “when the biggest bully of them all lives under this roof.”
“What happened?” he demanded, glaring down at me. “Who the fuck made you cry?” “What?” I breathed, shaking my head. “I’m not crying.” “Your eyes are red and swollen,” he deadpanned. “You’ve been crying.” His eyes moved to my cheek. “The fuck happened to your face?”
“Give me a name,” Johnny growled, dropping his hands to his hips. “And I’ll take care of it.” “What—no! I’m grand,” I quickly replied. “I have allergies.” “Me too. To assholes and bullshit,” Johnny snarled. “Now, tell me who made you cry and I’ll fix it.”
“Now,” I sneered, glaring down at their faces. “Who wants to call my girlfriend a whore to my face?”
You could love this girl your whole life, the crazy thought persisted inside my brain over and over, if you just let yourself.
“Because I fucked her—” “You what?” Joey roared, slamming on the brakes.
“It’s, ah, it’s your ma, Shannon,” he finally said, tone gruff. “What about my mam?” I whispered. “Oh my god, is she dead?” “No, no, fuck no,” Johnny hurried to say.
“I didn’t want her to leave, Gibs, and he just took her away from me. And I let him!” “You do know that you’re not allowed to keep humans as pets, don’t you?” he asked
“Operation Binding Thirteen, anyone?”
“Out. Johnny knocked me out. Not up.”
“How did he hurt you?” his mother asked, looking troubled and yet massively relieved. I sighed heavily. “With his balls.” “With his balls?” she repeated, looking horrified. “Johnny knocked you out with his balls?”
“I’m sorry,” I squeezed out, clasping my hands together anxiously. “Your mam thought I was your…that we were…that you got me…with your pregnant balls… Ugh—” Clearing my throat, I whispered, “I’m sorry.” Johnny turned back to face me and smirked. “My pregnant balls?” “No, my pregnant and your balls,” I spluttered and then cringed at my words. “Never mind.”
“And now? Now, I have a naked girl in my room, Ma. A naked fucking girl and I’m holding her bleeding clothes.” Stalking toward her, I dumped Shannon’s wet uniform on the counter and glared at her. “What kind of mother does that to their son?”
“Keep talking and I’m going to jump out a window,” I warned her. “I’m not messing around. I will go upstairs and hurl myself off the fucking roof.”
“First, for the last bleeding time, Shannon is not my girlfriend,” I snapped, flustered. “Second, I haven’t been a virgin since first year. And third, I can roll a condom on in the dark with one hand tied behind my bleeding back, so I don’t need the sex talk, or tips, or any of that shite.”
This time, when I stepped out of the bathroom, I was prepared for Sookie and found her snoozing on the bed. I was not, however, prepared for the sight of Johnny’s naked ass.
“Someone touched you,” Johnny whispered in my ear, placing his fingers on the marks. “I want to know who.”
Releasing an unsteady breath, I reached up, grabbed Johnny’s neck, and pulled his face down to mine. And then I kissed him.
“Jesus Christ,” Johnny groaned, dropping his head in his hands. “Of course, I like you.” He tugged on his hair and sighed. “I think it’s pretty fucking clear that I’m mad about you.”
“It’s not working anymore, Da,” I groaned, feeling a huge surge of devastation fill my body. “I broke it.” “The doctors fixed it,” he coaxed. “It’s back in working order again.” “I can pull my dick again?” “Yes, Johnny.” he laughed. “In a few weeks, you can pull it to your heart’s content.”
“She crying, Da?” I slurred, slapping at something touching my nose. “It’s because I had sex.” Smirking, I added, “A lot of sex.” I laughed to myself but it sounded funny. “Just kidding, Ma…no pussy for me.”
“I’m gonna sail my boat down her river,” I snickered. “My dick boat.” “Can they knock him back out?” Ma grumbled. “He’s going to give me a stroke with all this talk.” “It’s okay, Ma,” I coaxed. “I’m gonna keep her, too. Make all my babies with her because my balls work—and Da says I can pull on my dick again. Woo!”
“She’s the one,” I whispered, trying to eyeball him in the darkness. “With the perfect tits.” “You saw her tits?” Gibsie asked. I nodded happily. “Yep.” “When?” “When she was playing with my calculator,” I slurred.
“Hi, Johnny.” “Boom, boom, fucking boom, Da,” I groaned, slapping a hand against my chest. “I’m done for.”
“I wanna show you something.” “Uh, okay?” Stepping around Gibsie, I moved to his bedside. “Don’t you dare!” Mrs. Kavanagh barked, causing me to jerk back and Johnny to groan. “Spoilsport,” Johnny huffed. “John, tuck those blankets under the mattress,” she instructed before turning her glare on her son. “I don’t care how high you are, Jonathan Robert Kavanagh Jr., I will cut it off if you so much as think about showing her.” “Show me what?” I asked nervously. “My dick,” Johnny announced, twisting to face me. “You wanna see?” He smiled lazily up at me. “It’s all better now.”
“What’s yours?” I asked. “You.” He sighed and tightened his hold on me. “And your perfect little pussy.” “Johnny,” I breathed. “You can’t say things like that.” “Touch my dick.” “No, Johnny, I’m not touching your dick.”
