Binding 13 (Boys of Tommen, #1)

by Chloe Walsh

“Nah, your mind’s still there,” Gibsie chuckled, patting my shoulder. “It’s your heart you’re losing, lad.”

“What one did you mean to give me?” Johnny had a pinched expression when he said, “A Maroon 5 song.” “Oh?” I looked up at him. “Which one?” He shifted in discomfort. “‘She Will Be Loved.’”

“Whatever you’re used to,” he continued to say, eyes locked on mine. “Or whoever you’re used to. Whatever’s responsible for that sad look in your eyes—” He paused to brush his thumb over my cheekbone. “That’s not me, I’m not like that, and I won’t do that to you.”

“What do you say?” he asked with a smirk. I glanced down at the page and choked out a laugh. In neat capital letters were the words: SHANNON LIKE THE RIVER. WILL YOU PLEASE BE MY FRIEND?

Two hand-drawn boxes were sketched below the writing. One box had a yes over it, and the other had a no. The yes box had a smiley face. The no box had a sad face.

Beneath the line with Johnny’s name was an empty line for my name and he had dated the note January 10, 2005, my first day at Tommen.

Pressing his lips to my ear, in a voice barely more than a whisper, he said, “I’m scared, Shannon.” “Scared?” I felt him nod, his stubbly cheek rubbing against mine. “Of what?” “You.”

“I can keep a secret, Johnny Kavanagh,” I whispered, stroking his cheek with my fingers. “And I promise I’ll keep yours.”

Well, I love you, Johnny Kavanagh! Even though you’re leaving. Even though you don’t feel the same. Even though loving you is going to break my heart. I love you with everything I have. And I probably always will.

“Threatened by me?” I shook my head. “Why?” “Because you’re beautiful,” he stated, causing my cheeks to flush a deep shade of pink.

A boy had never called me beautiful before. Not like this. Not with such forwardness. Not with such sincerity.

He cleared his throat then, looking slightly uncomfortable, and for a moment I thought he was about to take the compliment back, but then he steeled his features, tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, and whispered, “Inside and out.”

“Tell me why you trust me.” “Because when I’m with you, I feel…” “You feel?” “Safe, okay?” I strangled out. “When you’re around, I feel safe.”

With blue eyes burning bright with sincerity and determination, he added, “I won’t let anything bad happen to you here.” He pressed his forehead to mine and exhaled a pained sigh. “And if you just tell me where else I need to keep you safe, I’ll do that, too.”

“This better be fucking important,” he snapped, shoulders tensed. “That depends,” Gibsie replied nonchalantly. “On what?” Johnny barked. “On whether or not you still want me to remind you of that thing you asked me to remind you about?” “Thing?” Johnny shook his head. “What thing? The fuck are you talking about?” “Lines and bulldozers, my friend,” Gibsie shot back with a meaningful look.

Slipping the headphones on my ears, I carefully scrolled through his playlists and almost had a heart attack when my eyes landed on the one named Songs for Shannon.

“We make a pretty good team, Shannon like the river.” Yes. Yes, we did.

“Shannon?” Johnny called after me. Pausing at the door, I swung back to look at him. “Yeah?” His blue eyes burned holes inside of me when he said, “Thanks.” “For what?” I whispered. Johnny smiled. “For being nothing like the rest of them.”

I had never felt this much. I had never felt so consumed.

If feelings were objects, then I was teetering on the edge of a great precipice, and if girls were weapons, then Shannon Lynch was the greatest weapon of mass destruction my heart had ever been exposed to.

Because I had caught feelings for Shannon. Huge fucking feelings. Permanent ones.

I was kissing Johnny Kavanagh. Johnny Kavanagh was kissing me back. He had his tongue in my mouth, his hand in my hair, and my heart in his pocket.

I think I’m in love with you. I think I’m falling. Please don’t hurt me. Please don’t ever hurt me.

“Coach can kiss my lily-white ass,” Gibsie shot back without hesitation. “That’s my best friend lying in a hospital bed, babe.”

“Do you remember the match last night?” he asked. “You were in a bad way, son.” “I remember the girl,” I slurred.

“No, no, no, Da. I’m serious,” I slurred. “I think I love that girl.” “Well, who’s this girl?” “She’s a river.” I sighed and closed my eyes. “I’m keeping her, Da.”

“She makes my heart go, like, whoa.” “Is that right?” he mused. “So bad, Da.” I sighed. “Boom, boom, fucking boom.”

“Ma!” I exclaimed. “You know the girl!” “What girl, love?” “My girl.”

“See, Da?” I slapped my chest. “Boom, fucking boom, boom.”

“Thank fuck, ’cause I’m in love.” “You’re in love?” I nodded happily. “And she’s a river.”

“Hi, Johnny.” “Boom, boom, fucking boom, Da,” I groaned, slapping a hand against my chest. “I’m done for.”

“See her, Da? See? So fucking beautiful!” Johnny announced. “Told ye all.”

“Hold my hand,” Johnny instructed, flapping a hand out toward me.

“I love you, Shannon like the river,” he slurred. My heart stopped. Did he just? No. No, of course he didn’t. “I fucking love you,” Johnny said again. Oh god. He did. He absolutely did. Twice.

“Gibs,” Johnny called out happily. “Did you hear that, lad?” “I sure did, Bulldozer.”

“I’m gonna keep you.” “Okay.” Relenting to his madness, I coaxed him to lie back on his pillow. “You can keep me.”

“Tell me you love me,” he pleaded. “Johnny—” “Tell me.” Inhaling a steadying breath, I whispered, “Johnny, I love you.” “Thank fuck,” he groaned, exhaling loudly. “You won’t remember this,” I added shakily. “But I will.” Which was the only reason I was telling him my truth.

“I’m only ever thinking about you,” he replied. “Only you.” My heart. My poor, poor heart. I didn’t stand a chance with this boy.

“I think I need you for keeps,” he slurred. “I think I need you for keeps, too,” I confessed. “You are so pretty,” he slurred. “That very first day. Boom.” “Boom?” I giggled. He nodded solemnly. “Boom.”

“You,” he mumbled sleepily, dropping a heavy arm around my shoulders. “Me what?” I whispered as I placed my hand on his stomach and snuggled into his side. “You are love.” He sighed contently. “Stay with me.” Always.

“Johnny,” he sighed. “Let it all out, son.” And it was right there that I cried like a fucking child on my father’s shoulder.

My father. My father. Why the fuck was I hearing Shannon say those words? And why was my heart telling me it was vital?