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I once read somewhere that we mature with damage, not with age.
Darren was born gay, the same way Joey was born straight and I was born empty.
“Did you do it on purpose?” “What?” Her words threw me enough to cause me to halt. “No.” Twisting my body so I could look down at her face, I frowned and said, “I would never do that to you.” “You promise?” “Yeah,” I grunted, hitching her up with my arm and melding her body to my side. “I promise.”
My words, for whatever reason, seemed to ease the tension inside this girl because she released a huge sigh, loosened her rigid frame, and allowed me to take her entire weight.
She had a striking look about her. But now, seeing her up close like this and being able to count the freckles on her face—eleven by the way—it was hitting home just how striking she was.
“I am sorry,” I told her, tone gruff now and thick. “For what?” she whispered, seeming to lean closer as she chewed on her bottom lip. “Hurting you,” I replied honestly. Christ, my voice didn’t even sound like it belonged to me. It was strained…raw. I cleared my throat and added, “It won’t happen again.” “You promise?” There she went with the promises again. “Yeah,” I said, tone thick now. “I promise.”
“I’m actually hot.” “Completely fucking accurate assessment.”
The pain I was so sure I’d seen in her eyes. It was real, it was there, I recognized it, and now I could do something about it. I could prevent anything like this from happening again. It wouldn’t happen again. Not on my goddamn watch.
“You know he’s going to kill you, don’t you?” Gibsie asked, tone laced with humor as he walked Ronan over to the front entrance and then ceremoniously tossed him out the double glass doors.
“Now, tell me who made you cry and I’ll fix it.”
My peace. Because I made the call. Because I was afraid he would hurt her.
Because I knew. I just knew deep down in my heart and soul that danger was coming. I didn’t know where, or when, or how it might unfold. But I knew it was coming.
“Come on,” he said in a coaxing tone as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, tucked me into his side, and led me out of school. “I’ll take care of you.”
“Now,” I sneered, glaring down at their faces. “Who wants to call my girlfriend a whore to my face?”
“Did you get me something?” “Yeah, I got you a burger.” “Thanks, Johnny.” “And then I got hungry so I ate it.” “You’re a monster.”
In this moment, being here with him was as easy as breathing.
“Binding Thirteen,” Helen repeated, staring at me like I was clueless. In this instance, I was. “What does that even mean?”
“Johnny’s jersey number is thirteen,” Claire explained, looking thoroughly disgusted. “And binding is a rugby reference for engaging in a scrum—although I’m pretty sure those girls meant engaging with Johnny in a whole different position.”
“You, uh, said you had a problem with it last time,” he mumbled with a shrug. “Did I?” “Uh, yeah,” he replied, shifting uncomfortably. “You were mumbling in your sleep about my shower scalding you.” I turned beet red. “Oh god, I’m sorry,” I choked out, feeling nervous again. “Stop,” he warned with a smile. “It was cute.” “Cute?” I squeezed out, practically hyperventilating.
“That girl is fragile, Johnny.” Mam nibbled on her lip, brows furrowed in concern. “There is something about her that makes me want to wrap my arms around her and cuddle the sadness out of her eyes.”
Don’t worry, baby, I thought to myself. I’m flustered too.
I wanted to fight all her battles. I wanted to give her all her smiles and make her laugh and snatch her away from the rest of the world and keep her all to myself.
But I already felt like I was drowning with her. That’s how consumed I was in this girl. That’s how much I loved her.
“Boom, boom, fucking boom, Da,” I groaned, slapping a hand against my chest. “I’m done for.”
“You can’t do that to her,” he challenged, glaring at our father with his chin jutted out. “Joey says we don’t hit girls.”
