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“I was worried about you,” I told him, taking his big hand in mine. “You gave me an awful fright.” “And I was worried about you,” Johnny replied, wide-eyed and sincere. “I’m always worried about you.”
“I thought I lost you…and my head? My head is hiiiigh as balls, baby.”
“Say it,” Johnny groaned, clutching my hand. “Tell me you’ll have my babies.” “Johnny—” “Just tell me you will,” he begged loudly. “Just say it, Shannon! Please! I can’t take it.” “Sure?” I croaked out, feeling faint. “Whatever you want, Johnny.” “Gibs,” Johnny called out happily. “Did you hear that, lad?” “I sure did, Bulldozer.”
“You’ll hurt yourself.” “I want you,” he groaned, pulling at my arms. “Just you.”
“I’ll go,” I promised Mrs. Kavanagh. “I just need to—” My words broke off when Johnny wrapped his arms around my waist and clung to me. “You are a lizard,” I muttered in despair, feeling his mother’s eyes on my face.
“When you’re back to your senses, we’re going to talk about what you just did.” “I don’t care,” he slurred groggily. “I got what I wanted.” “And what was that?” I asked. “To embarrass your mother?” “You,” he slurred. “I got you.” Oh god. My heart.
“Close your eyes,” I told him softly. “I’ll be here when you wake up.” “Tell me you love me,” he pleaded. “Johnny—” “Tell me.” Inhaling a steadying breath, I whispered, “Johnny, I love you.” “Thank fuck,” he groaned, exhaling loudly.
“No, you must be thinking about someone else.” “I’m only ever thinking about you,” he replied. “Only you.” My heart. My poor, poor heart. I didn’t stand a chance with this boy. “And your pussy.” He closed his eyes and groaned. “I saw that, too.”
“But you will, right?” he asked, looking forlorn. “Someday?” “Someday,” I whispered in his ear. “I promise.” He smiled up at me with this adorable drunk expression. “Gimme a kiss,” he purred. Shaking my head, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. “Don’t leave me,” he groaned then, face contorting in pain. “I’m no more good…but don’t go?”
“If this is love, then it’s you,” he replied, dragging me down to lie beside him. “Huh?” I asked as I slid onto my side and tried my best not to poke at his legs. “You,” he mumbled sleepily, dropping a heavy arm around my shoulders.
“Who’s making you sad?” he asked then, voice slurred and sleepy. “Tell me, baby.” “Nobody, Johnny.” “You lie and it hurts my heart,” he groaned, tightening his hold on me. “All those marks. It hurts when I know someone’s hurting my Shannon.” “Johnny—”
“Who’s hurting you, baby?” he slurred sleepily. He yawned loudly and then sighed. “I’ll fix it.” “It’s a secret,” I breathed, feeling my body shake. “I won’t tell,” he whispered. Inhaling a trembling breath, I clenched my eyes shut and pressed my lips to his ear. “My father.” I waited several beats for him to say something. He didn’t. When I opened my eyes and looked at his face, I realized why. Johnny was asleep.
“No. She stayed with you,” Dad corrected. “When you were demented out of your head and anyone in their right mind would have run for the hills, that girl stayed right by your bedside, listening to you talk out of your arse.”
“I panicked and I reacted on her, but she’s fragile, Da. She’s so… And I’m so in—” “Love with her?” Dad smirked. “Yes, we all know, Johnny. You shouted it from the rooftop last night.” “Shite,” I groaned. “Was she freaked out?” “Your mother certainly was.” Dad laughed. “When you told her Shannon would mother your children.” “Jesus Christ,” I whimpered. “Why didn’t you stop me?” “We couldn’t,” he replied. “You would only settle down for Shannon. You fell asleep in her arms.”
My father. My father. Why the fuck was I hearing Shannon say those words? And why was my heart telling me it was vital? Jesus, they must have knocked me out with some strong-ass Class A drugs. Focus, Johnny. Remember.
And even if I did, I couldn’t call her. Because her father took her phone. My father. My father. What was I missing here?
I didn’t want to go home. But I knew I had to. I didn’t want to get beaten. But I knew I would.
But Tadhg stayed where he was. “You can’t do that to her,” he challenged, glaring at our father with his chin jutted out. “Joey says we don’t hit girls.”
“Joey!” Mam cried out. “Please don’t—” “Shut the fuck up!” Joey roared back at her. “You are the most pathetic excuse for a mother that ever walked the earth.”
Joey didn’t stop. He just kept swinging. “Get off him,” Mam was screaming. “Joey, stop—you’re going to kill him!” “Good!” Joey roared as he straddled our father and continued to hit him.
“Are you fucking blind?” he roared. Swinging around to face them, he gently brushed my hair off my face and pointed to me. “She is bleeding,” Joey snarled, pointing to my face. “Shannon. Your daughter!” “Shannon,” Mam wept as she cringed in horror. “Oh, baby, your face.” I didn’t care what I looked like anymore. It didn’t matter. Because my mother had just ended my world. She went to him.
He beat us. Terrorized us. Tortured us. And she went to him. She chose him. Our own mother.
“Shannon,” Dad slurred, shaking his head as if he was waking up from a deep sleep. “I didn’t mean to—” “Don’t fucking speak to her, creep!” Joey roared, taking a menacing step toward him. “I will kill you,” he seethed, tone deathly cold and terrifyingly sincere. “Do you hear me? I will slit your fucking throat if you so much as look at my sister again.”
“Joey,” Mam sobbed. “I’m so sorry—” “Don’t apologize,” my brother spat out. “Protect your children and put him out.” “Joey, I—” “Make a choice, Mam,” Joey snarled as he glared down at our mother. “Him or us?”