Only Once

by Ashley Munoz

“Ryan…just…can we talk through this? Don’t leave.” I tried to clear the bubble of pain in my throat so I didn’t wheeze or sob as he turned his back on me. It didn’t stop the tears from coating my lashes or splashing down my heated cheeks. Please stay. “I’m not risking anything else. I almost lost this role because of you. I was confused, but now I’m seeing crystal fucking clear. You’re not over your ex, and I’m unwilling to risk you leaving me again, so my job comes first. It will always come first because I don’t trust you, Bexley. I could never trust you.” The door slammed as he ran down the steps and continued down the street. It had started raining, so his shirt was soaked within minutes. I flipped the deadbolt to ensure he couldn’t come back, even as invisible knives cleaved my heart in two…even as I sobbed and crumpled to the floor. The trouble with choosing someone first was, so often, they didn’t choose you back, and it felt like flames against your skin when you realized your heart belonged to them regardless. Ryan would always be my first choice, and now I knew without a shadow of doubt that I would never be his.