Only Once

by Ashley Munoz

“Honey, the best kind of love story happens when we don’t feel lovable, when we feel ugly and bruised, like the reject of the pile. That’s when that shit sneaks up and bites the hell out of you.”

“If you want this, want us…then take me out of here. There’s no halfway with me, Ryan Prince. If you say you’re mine, you won’t ever belong to anyone else.”

Sometimes in life we only get a few seconds to tell our truth, and no matter how much we want to change it, we can’t erase it from other people’s lives.

“That voicemail ripped me open, Bex. Hearing that we didn’t have a baby while you were God knows where, upset, hurting—it destroyed me. I was supposed to hold you…you were supposed to hold me. I started hoping…” He trailed off, his voice breaking. “It made no sense because I wanted football so badly, but when I thought of having a kid with you, something like hope began to grow inside me.”

“I have to toe that line for the girl who once planned a future with you, the one who loved you so intensely, so fully she had an entire Pinterest board full of wedding ideas, future house plans, and kids names. She’s still in there somewhere, and she’d never let me sleep in the same bed as one of your ex-lovers.”

“It was always supposed to be you. Please give him another chance, give this another chance…I can already tell he loves them.”

Right before I fell asleep, I heard him whisper, “I love you, Bex. I never stopped.”

The trouble with choosing someone first was, so often, they didn’t choose you back, and it felt like flames against your skin when you realized your heart belonged to them regardless. Ryan would always be my first choice, and now I knew without a shadow of doubt that I would never be his.

“Because you’re not my second choice, Bexley Black. You’re not an afterthought. I made the worst mistake of my life letting you assume you were anything less than my everything. I love you. You’re it for me. Acting was never supposed to be the thing I loved…it was only ever you.”

“Because this thing between us, it’s something that happens only once, and I’ve managed to almost lose it twice. I won’t risk it again.”