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May 24 - May 27, 2024
As I walk out, it hits me: I’ve lost my home. I’m a dug-up plant, unrooted, born to bloom and wilt.
I’ve sworn off love. There’s no room for those emotions in my day-to-day.
You own your house. Only you can build and defend it.
He leans in for a kiss, despite knowing my rules: No kissing. No falling in love.
“Being in a straight bar is like going to the zoo without the animal cruelty. We get to observe heteros in a controlled environment.”
“Kissing you is like falling in love.”
I have a huge thing for: Men who speak French fluently. Jawlines that can cut glass. Cheekbones built for the runway. And this man in front of me checks every box.
“I don’t mean to say that like, you’re a bitchy cactus or something.” The corners of his lips twitch, like he’s stopping himself from laughing. “A bitchy cactus? Is that the genus or species name?” “Oh, she’s got jokes!” “An arsenal.”
I don’t subscribe to organized religion, but my single momma raised me Catholic. When Cole’s shirt comes off and I see his body, I say a whole-ass Hail Mary followed by an Our Father and do the sign of the cross because I’ve seen the lord. I’d subscribe to him.
Slowly, he opens his eyes. “How do I look?” I hold my breath, not wanting to break the moment. Michelangelo’s David couldn’t compete with you. Like every single star in the night sky in human form. Like the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
“Falling in love is a lot like cracking your own chest open and hoping you don’t die from blood loss or infection.
“If I had one superpower,” he whispers. “I would fly away. Find someplace I belong, where I don’t have to perform.” He pauses, and so faintly says, “For anyone.”
From One Night Stand to Hired Boyfriend: A Memoir by Teddy Hughes.
“Your entire business model is built around subscriptions, yet I’m the one you’re subscribing to. I’m your boyfriend subscription.”
I never wanted to be fucked on the street, but is holding my man’s hand while strolling through the park too much to ask?
Kit’s specialty, her superpower, the ability to question your life choices so deeply that you actually feel it in all 206 bones in your body.
As a kid, I grew my own mint plants and chewed fresh leaves because once a cute boy in middle school told me I had bad breath. That’s my villain origin story, the domino effect that led me to college for horticulture, then to Murray and New York, and the demise of Plant Daddy, which led to me making a damn fool out of myself in front of Cole.
All I can do is nod because I’m floating somewhere between heaven and hell, where orgasms are apples on the Tree of Knowledge and I’ve bitten every single last fucking one.
I want to tell him his ex was wrong, show him he’s beautiful, more than beautiful, he’s the kind of breathtaking that only exists in great literature.
We only get a few great adventures in this life.” She looks to me, knowing I’m hanging on her every word. “Take every one.”
“I haven’t known your son for very long, but in all the time I’ve spent with him, what I do know is that he has a massive heart. He’s afraid to show it, but I see it. And it’s beautiful.”
Take it from an old woman who learned a long time ago that the greatest gift you can offer someone, if you love them, is grace.”
I want to thank him, but the right words haven’t been invented yet.
His lips. His beautiful, full, soft life-giving lips. They’re so tender. He kisses like he’s afraid to let go, like opening the cage to a bird that might fly away. I kiss him back with everything I have.
I could spend every minute for the rest of my life kissing him.
“Can I tell you something?” I ask, and she tilts her head, giving permission. “Your son is the greatest adventure I’ve ever had.”
“It’s not easy to make love work, and it won’t always look the way you thought it might. In our line of work, loving the men we love, it rarely does.”
Falling in love isn’t a grand romantic gesture that can be fortified with a boom box over your shoulder; it’s a means of cracking open your chest in an act of ultimate vulnerability that sometimes opens old wounds that never quite healed.
“Everything lost can be found again, if we know where to look.”
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from all the shit I’ve been through in my life, it’s that fairy tales aren’t real.
Love is more than a declaration. It’s action.
“love is not solid. It’s a concept. A work in progress. Something you fight for every day. And something you get wrong sometimes. All you need to answer is, do you love him?”
I could spend all day studying here and still find something beautiful and breathtaking with every new second. That’s how I feel about Teddy.
“You would’ve been a great mob boss, you know that?” Frank doesn’t blink. “Who says I’m not?” He reveals the tiniest smile, and winks. “Go get him, stud.”
Never forget the love. It exists everywhere. It’s what roots us.
