Call It What You Want

by Alissa DeRogatis

I was willing to do it whenever and wherever because I thought it would make him love me and I was desperate to not be alone.

we both have feelings for each other we can’t just continue doing whatever this is forever.” He motions at himself and then to me. “The longer we do this, the worse it’s going to hurt in the end.”

I’d never hurt like that before. How was I so easily able to fall in love with someone who wasn’t sure about me?

realized I had to stop putting my life on pause for someone who was no longer a part of it.

I was willing to settle for whatever he would give me because a fraction of him was better than nothing at all.

“Babe,” she continued. “Stop losing your mind over someone who doesn’t mind losing you.”

You can’t keep choosing someone who doesn’t choose you.”

Your person is out there and they’re going to be your person for the rest of your life. You won’t have to worry about this one foot in, one foot out situation with them. They’re going to choose you and they’re going to stay. Forever.”

“I don’t want someone who comes back. I want someone who never leaves.”

Despite the pain and heartbreak he’d caused me, I couldn't help but feel bad for him.

Every time someone walks out of your life, someone new eventually walks into it. Losing someone means you’ll eventually gain someone even better.

Three words can make you completely forgive someone and forget why you were upset with them in the first place. Three words can make you feel like the most important person in the world.

“I think that maybe I would always let you come back,” I say softly. “Not that I would sit around waiting for you, but if you told me that you were ready and wanted me back, I’m not sure there’s anything that I wouldn’t drop for you.”

I waited for him to come around. I waited to see if things would get better. So much waiting. Before I knew it, almost a year had passed, and I was still waiting.”

Somehow, even though he’s the one that’s making me feel bad, he’s also the only one who can make me feel better.

I deserve someone who chooses me without question. Someone who loves me without doubt.

occasion. Love shouldn’t hurt. Love shouldn’t make you sick. I know that you’re not ready and nothing I can say or do will ever change that.

“One day he’s going to wake up and realize that he lost the best thing he ever had. He lost the only person who would’ve loved him through anything. I hope he hurts. I hope he regrets. But even more importantly, I hope he learns. I hope he learns that love isn’t always easy. Love is compromise. Love is understanding. Love is accepting. Someone else is going to give you all of that and more one day, and I can’t wait to see who he is.”

it’s so important to show up for yourself. Spend time getting to know who you are, find new hobbies, fall back in love with old ones.

Here’s the thing about unconditional love though— it isn’t one sided. It isn’t standing in someone’s doorway begging to be let in.