Saving 6 (Boys of Tommen #3)

by Chloe Walsh

For my children. Earthside and in heaven.

I never knew devastation until he walked into my world and gave me a glimpse into his. I never knew heart break until he decimated my heart by decimating his body. I never knew hurt until he walked away from me. I never knew. I never…

“I care,” I grumbled. “I care about you, and Shan, and Tadhg, and Ols—“ “I need you to start caring about you, Joe—”

“I don’t want fifty more girls,” I replied, twisting back to find her still watching me. “I just want that girl.”

“If I’ve taught you nothing else these past twelve years, then remember this; keep your temper in check, your head in the books, your ass off the streets, and your hands off girls that look like that.” “Like what?” “Like they have heartbreak written all over them.”

“I’m Aoife,” she laughed, holding her hand out to me. “Joey,” I replied, accepting her small hand in mine.

“Is that your way of telling me that you don’t have a boyfriend?” “No, it’s my way of telling you that I will have a boyfriend once you ask me.”

Desperate to distract myself from the temptation, I held my breath and concentrated on why I couldn’t leave this house. On why I had to stay. Shannon. Tadhg. Ollie… Shannon. Tadhg. Ollie… Shannon. Tadhg. Ollie … Slowly, as my mind resigned to the fact that there was no way I could leave three innocent children with the monsters that created us, I felt my muscles unlock, causing me to sink deeper into depression. Trapping me…

But the evening I came home from my first day of secondary school, and discovered he was gone, I found myself whispering oaths and promises to the man in the sky, offering up anything and everything I could think of, in exchange for the safe return of my brother. My ally. My prayers went unanswered, and I had lost more ground than I could afford to in the weeks that had since passed.

Thankfully, Tadhg and Shannon didn’t seem to understand the way in which our father was hurting our mother. I, on the other hand, had been ten years old when I learned the meaning of the word rape. It wasn't the first time I'd seen him force her down, nor was it the first time I’d heard the word tossed around in conversation, but it was the first time that I managed to connect the word to the action and make sense of what had been happening to my mother.

Once I saw it for myself, I knew there was no way I would ever put my siblings in a position where that could happen to them. I would rather die first and that wasn’t me being dramatic. I meant it.

At least when we were all together under the same roof, I could protect her, I could protect them all, take some of the pain for them, and let them have some semblance of a childhood.

Like a revered blood oath, I mentally reaffirmed the vow I had made to myself the night after Darren walked out, and that was to protect my brothers and sister with everything I had in me. I would never allow them to be beaten like I had been, or be abused like our mother, or defiled like our brother. With whatever I had inside of me, I would protect and defend them from harm. They would never have to sit behind a barricaded bedroom door with a hurley in hand. I would be here to do it for them. I knew what it felt like to have my protector abandon me, and I would never allow that to happen to them. I would die first.

It was both my saving grace and my living nightmare. Forced to play by my father from the age of four, and terrified of having that weight dropped onto Tadhg’s shoulders like it been dropped on mine when Darren quit, I pushed myself to keep it up.

Filling petrol in the garage’s adjoining forecourt wasn’t exactly thrilling stuff, but the chance to work on engines was something I discovered I enjoyed. More than just enjoyed, it was exactly the distraction I needed.

The look of sadness in her eyes made me want to hit the prick all over again. It had been worth the suspension.

“You know what? I think you do care,” she called after me. “In fact, I think you do like me. You like me and that’s why you act how you do. That’s why you riled my father up about Paul tonight. I’m right, aren’t it? You like me.” Of course I fucking liked her. She was the first thing my eyes had landed on when I walked through the entrance of Ballylaggin Community School last September, and the only face I consistently sought out since.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she drawled sarcastically. “I wasn’t aware that you needed me to write it down for you, asshole.”

To say that I felt drawn to him would be a major understatement. I felt it that very first day of first year – that epic wave of familiarity, lust, and camaraderie – when our eyes locked, and I felt it now. There was something about this boy that I found impossible to ignore, and I knew he felt it, too.

“He’s going to kill you, Mam,” I choked out. “Don’t you get that? Can’t you hear me? You’re going to die in this house. If you don’t get away from him, you’re going to die here. I can feel it in my bones…“ my voice cracked, and I choked back a sob, unwilling to shed tears. “Don’t you love yourself? Don’t you love me?”

“Yes,” she confirmed with a pained expression on her face. “You remind me of your father.” Shuddering, she clenched her eyes shut as a tear fell from her cheek. “I know it’s not your fault, I know, okay, but you just remind me so much of him. More and more each day.” “In what way?” I choked out, chest heaving. “In looks? Because if it’s in looks then that’s not my fault. I can’t help who I look like, but I am nothing like that man in any other way.” “You are,” she said before leaving the room. “In every way.”

“My friend thinks you’re dangerous,” I told him with a smile. “She thinks I need to steer clear of you.” Tilting my head to one side, I added, “She’s thinks that messing around with boys like you will get a girl like me hurt.” “Wise friend,” he replied coolly. “You should listen to her.”

“I can tell that he trained you up,” the man continued to piss me off by saying. “You’re a lucky young fella to have a father like that.”

“Where’s the killer instinct, boy?” Saved up for when I’ll need it against you.

“Nice performance.” “Nice legs.”

Joey was quiet for about half a minute until he blew out a frustrated breath and said, “All I’m saying is if some asshole treated my sister the way I watched him treat you tonight, he sure as hell wouldn’t be getting another chance to pull that stunt on her again.”

“You’ll take your meat whatever way I give it to you,” Joey grumbled, rummaging in my fridge for what he needed. “This doesn’t mean anything, Molloy,” he added. “You didn’t win this round.” I threw my head back and laughed. “I always win, Joe.”

“Well, now see, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” she laughed, reaching up to pat my cheek. “And just so you know, Joe?” She leaned in close and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “You’re my favorite friend, with my favorite everything.”

Fury emanated from every pore in my body, as I balled my hands into fists at my sides and willed myself to not react. “If I wanted your girlfriend, asshole, she’d be with me.”

“He’s not worth it, Joe.” No, but she is.

Now, if I’d been born into money, I could’ve played rugby like those posh pricks over at Tommen College and had the opportunity to make some decent money for putting my body on the line.

“Nice winning score, by the way.” “Nice legs.”

The weather was shit, and I wanted to die… The sky was black, and I was pissed off… None of it matters because it won’t put food on the table…

“She’ll have to get over it,” Dad replied, not batting an eye. “She’s no better than the rest of them. I won’t have her sent to private school when the boys are in public.” “I can take extra shifts at work,” Mam hurried to say. “I don’t mind. I will pay for it myself —“ “I said no,” Dad barked. “It’s not happening. Get it out of your head.”

He blonde hair was loose today, flowing freely down the middle of her back, and I swear I'd never seen anything like her. Like an angel with dirty wings, she batted her long lashes at her father, concealing that sharp tongue I knew she possessed, as she played the role of darling daughter and all-round good girl. But she knew better. So did I. She reminded me of one of those beautiful, exotic caged birds you’d see in a backstreet pet shop; out of place and itching for freedom.

You see, I had made a deal with myself; I’d promised myself that I would see it out until I finished school. I’d be eighteen and a half by then. I would stay in the house and look after my brothers and sister until then. I could do it. I could hold on until then. But afterwards, once I finished my leaving cert, I was getting the hell out of there. I had a whole plan thought up in my mind. I would get a second job, something that was full-time and made good money, and with it I would put a deposit down on a cheap one-bedroom flat. Shannon would come with me. She could have the bedroom and I would take the couch. It would be small and basic, but it would be ours.

What Mam wanted, Dad got for her, regardless of whether he could afford it or not, usually as a form of compensation for his latest slip.

“So, you might want to stop hunting me, Molloy.” His hands moved to my hips, and he literally tossed me down on the mattress. “Because if you don’t?” With my wrists pinned to the mattress above my head, he stepped between my legs and leaned in close, so close that his nose brushed mine. “Then one of these days, I’m going to hunt you back.”

“Yeah, he is a good father,” I agreed, setting my empty glass in the sink. “But he’s a shitty husband, Mam.” She, on the other hand, was a good wife, and a great mam, but that didn’t change the fact that her constant stream of forgiveness looked an awful lot like weakness in my eyes. Sure, they seemed to have a decent relationship – when Dad wasn’t letting his wandering eye get in the way. In a weird way, they were pretty stable, and never seemed to let any discourse in their marriage interfere with mine or Kev’s lives.

“Because I have no intention of giving a boy that kind of power over me,” I replied simply. “From my viewpoint, men let you down – even the good ones like dad can’t be trusted. So, why would I ever expose myself to that kind of pain? It would be emotional suicide.”

“It’s not like I’m one hundred million percent opposed to the idea of marriage and motherhood. If the right guy came along and proved me wrong, then sure, I could do it,” I admitted. “But I could never cope with the crap you’ve had to deal with. I could never do that, Mam. And certainly not with your grace. If I loved a man, and I mean truly, madly, deeply loved him, then I could never handle knowing that he was with another woman. It would destroy me. I would go insane. I could never forgive that level of betrayal. Hence why taking that chance seems too risky to me. So yeah, I’m probably going remain ring-free for the foreseeable forty plus years.”

“I’m not afraid of loving a boy,” I told her honestly. “I’m afraid of losing myself in one.”

Her easy-going, playful nature meant that she didn’t take a lot of his jibes to heart, but I did. I fucking took them to heart for her.

“Don’t you ever touch her like that again, do ya hear me?” “Or what?” “Or I’ll put you in a body bag.”

“So, you like the color yellow?” “It recently became my favorite.” “Is that so?” “That’s so, Molloy.” “My favorite color is yellow, too.” “It’s a good color on you.” “I look even better when I take it off.” Feeling mischievous, I purred, “You’re so sure of us being incompatible, but I wonder if that might change if I sat on your lap? Hm? Do you think we’d find common ground there, Joe?” “Why don’t you take a seat, and we’ll find out.”

“Put your hands on her like that again and see what’ll happen,” a familiar voice threatened, as the owner of said voice hooked an arm around my waist and pulled me to my feet. “She’s not a fucking rag-doll, asshole.”

“Someone broke my halo, Joe,” I wailed, waving a broken piece around aimlessly in front of his face. “I’m a fallen angel now.” “Don’t worry about it,” he replied with a shrug. “No one likes a saint, Molloy.”

Releasing a pained breath, he leaned in close and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I could go a fair bit crazy over you, Molloy.” His lips brushed against my brow as he said, “Stay out of my head now, ya hear?”

I’d always thought she was too good for him, and I’d been proven right by the way he conducted himself tonight. Stamping his feet like a fucking toddler because his girlfriend was garnering more male attention than his ego could handle.

"You're breaking my heart.” Her voice cracked. "You're killing yourself." The feelings I knew I should have, weren’t present inside the gaping hole in my chest. I was fucked. There was no point in denying it. No point in fighting it, either. Not when my own mother didn’t have faith in me. “You’re just like him. In every way.”