Binding 13 (Boys of Tommen, #1)

by Chloe Walsh

"Nah, your mind's still there," Gibsie chuckled, patting my shoulder. "It's your heart your losing, lad."

Johnny had a pinched expression when he said, "A Maroon 5 song." "Oh?" I looked up at him. "Which one?" He shifted in discomfort. "She Will Be Loved."

Every time I won, the girl next to me smiled. Every time I handed her another Easter egg or stupid little award, she crept further out of that shell she was hiding in. That was worth the slagging I was going to reap from my team. She was worth it all.

He smirked. "No, baby, I don’t mind."

"There's no point," he replied with a nonchalant shrug. "I am what I am and I make no apologies for it."

Rugby seemed to be his life and I wanted to learn all about it. Every teeny, tiny, insignificant detail. It was pathetic on all levels, but I consoled myself by telling myself that it was a harmless way of passing the time.

"Every position is challenging," he said. "Like the spokes of a wheel, if one goes down we all go down."

Stop lying to yourself, my brain hissed, you love him with every piece of your fractured heart…

"I decided to leave it at home," I impressed myself by retorting. "Thank god I did, because there's barely enough room in here with your ego."

"I think that you don’t want to trust anyone," he stated, continuing to push for more. "But you trust me despite yourself."

In neat capital letters were the words: Shannon like the river. Will you please be my friend? Two hand drawn boxes were sketched below the writing. One box had a yes over it, and the other had a no. The yes box had a smiley face. The no box had a sad face. At the bottom of the page were the words: Signed by alongside a slightly crooked line with his signature scrawled across it. Beneath the line with Johnny's name was an empty line for my name and he had dated the note January 10th 2005, my first day at Tommen. A side note stating: PS: Shannon promises not to sue Johnny when he's signed for the pros for any injuries he may or may not have caused her on the date mentioned above. This is a valid disclaimer, I shit you not, took up the last few lines of the page.

The smile Johnny rewarded me with was wide, genuine, and breathtakingly beautiful. God, he looked like a different person when he smiled. His entire face transformed. His eyes lit up. The dimples in his cheeks were visible.

"What I told you that night?" he whispered, gently clutching the side of my neck with his huge hand. "All that shite about my surgery and how much pain I'm in? I'm furious with myself for losing my head and telling you something that can be used against me. I gave you power over me and now I'm fucking panicking, okay? I lost my cool with you in the car because you struck a nerve. Because you called me out on my bullshit. Because you were right."

"I've been asking myself the same question for a long time and I still don’t have an answer, Shannon," he croaked out, tormented blue eyes locked on mine. "I don’t understand what's happening between us."

"I don’t agree with your choices," I croaked out. "But I respect that they are yours to make."

Well, I love you, Johnny Kavanagh! Even though you're leaving. Even though you don’t feel the same. Even though loving you is going to break my heart. I love you with everything I have. And I probably always will.

"But I'm going to find out," he whispered. "Whether you tell me or not." He stroked my cheek with his thumb. "I'll find out and I'll make them suffer."

Slipping the headphones on my ears, I carefully scrolled through his playlists and almost had a heart attack when my eyes landed on the one named Songs for Shannon.

"I'm on the winning team," I teased, nudging his shoulder with mine. "Of course, I'm enjoying this." "True," Johnny agreed with a lopsided grin. Pulling the stack of certificates we had collected throughout the day's tasks out of his bag, he plopped them on my lap and said, "We make a pretty good team, Shannon like the River." Yes. Yes, we did.

"Shannon?" Johnny called after me. Pausing at the door, I swung back to look at him. "Yeah?" His blue eyes burned holes inside of me when he said, "Thanks." "For what?" I whispered. Johnny smiled. "For being nothing like the rest of them." "Uh, okay?"

I just wanted her. For keeps.

Because I had caught feelings for Shannon. Huge fucking feelings. Permanent ones. I knew I was too old for her. I knew she was too sweet and pure to be dragged into the limelight that came with my life. And I knew that she was too fucking broken for a guy like me to get tangled up with. But I already felt like I was drowning with her. That's how consumed I was in this girl. That's how much I loved her.

"I don’t want to know if he can play rugby or not," I squeezed out as a wave of guilt swallowed me up. "I want to know if he is okay! Him. Johnny! The person. Not the fucking rugby player!"

"I can go and get Gibsie?" I offered weakly. Johnny shook his head. "I only want you."

He had his tongue in my mouth, his hand in my hair, and my heart in his pocket.

"Am I doing it right?" I breathed against his lips, feeling achingly aware of my inexperience. "More than right," he assured me, claiming my mouth once again. "This is my first kiss," I moaned against his lips. "You're fucking perfect," he assured me, filling my mouth with his hot tongue.

"I'm so in love with him, Claire," I confessed, and then I burst into tears. "I love him so much that the thought of him not being okay is killing me."

"In the words of the late, great Freddie Mercury: don’t stop me now," he told her. "Just go back to bed and I'll text you in a bit."

"She makes my heart go, like, whoa." "Is that right?" he mused. "So bad, Da," I sighed. "Boom, boom, fucking boom." I shook my head. "All the time."

"And I'm gonna buy her a ring…and a dog…and sail a boat...and I'm gonna look at her tits because I can." I sighed in contentment. "She's got the best tits, Da."

"She's mine," I grumbled. "You can't have her."

"Johnny, I know, but I have to go," I whispered, flustered. "It's family only." "She's my wife," he announced then, blowing my mind clean open.

"I think I need you for keeps," he slurred. "I think I need you for keeps, too," I confessed.

"You lie and it hurts my heart," he groaned, tightening his hold on me. "All those marks. It hurts when I know someone's hurting my Shannon."

"If you do not make it this summer then you do not make it this summer," he repeated. "You are still Johnny Kavanagh. You are still an honor student. You are still a good man. And you are still my best decision."

"Leave my sister alone," Tadhg growled, taking a step into the kitchen.

Because my mother had just ended my world. She went to him. He beat us. Terrorized us. Tortured us. And she went to him. She chose him. Our own mother.

All three of them went straight to Joey. Because he was our protector. He was the reason we were all in one piece. He was our hero.