“Obviously, I’m fucking the donut. It already has a hole. It’s sweet and glazed. Sometimes they squirt, they’re messy and sticky—I mean, there’s nothing better than fucking a messy donut. Bagels are wholesome; you can have them for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. They still have a hole, but they’re tougher than a donut so you can fuck them harder and put them into more positions without breaking. They are down for whatever: peanut butter, cream cheese, tomatoes, eggs, bacon, salmon. You know what, I’m marrying AND fucking the bagel. And kill cinnamon rolls because they make my teeth feel like
...more
