He/She/They: How We Talk About Gender and Why It Matters

by Schuyler Bailar

She said she was more confused that I had to tell her in the first place: “If you just came home with a girl one day, I would have asked you what her name was. No more,” she’d said.

Parents, siblings, and friends of trans people are not required to understand us in order to accept, respect, and love us. Sometimes, understanding is one of the last things to emerge, and that is okay. Many parents fail to metabolize this and instead forbid their children from accessing joy that comes from something they do not understand. Letting go of the need to understand requires trusting your child. It requires allowing another person to learn for themselves and granting them space to know themselves best.