“As grateful as I am for you, Asmodeus gives me what I need to survive, and when he can’t, I take up the mantel. I need the pain, Abaddon. I need the reminder. I have a longing for the euphoric bliss only the pain can release. An anchor which keeps me from going off the edge, a reminder of what I’m capable of if the two of you ever turn away from me. But as much as I long to be punished, I worry that a part of him will hate me forever, that the pain he makes me suffer is beyond what I need but fueled by his incapacity to forgive me.”
