The Throne of Broken Gods (Gods & Monsters, #2)

by Amber V. Nicole

“I messed up.” She placed her head in her hands and shook it. “I assumed he was like Kaden, you know? He wouldn’t care what I did. There were times when Kaden wouldn’t talk to me for weeks. I was wrong about Samkiel, but I don’t understand why. We didn’t even have sex.” I swallowed, saying something I hoped wouldn’t get my head chopped off. “You know people can care about you without having sex, right?”

“I’m sorry. I really am, Dianna.” Drake winced. “Yeah?” I wrenched his head back, forcing him to look at me. “I’m sorry too. Sorry I ever trusted you, believed you, helped you. I’m sorry I ever followed you in that damn desert. I am sorry for my gullibility in thinking you were an angel sent to save us. Most of all, I’m sorry I ever thought I had a real friend.”

He reached out to brush a strand of hair away from my face. A sliver of heat burned me to my core at the slightest touch of his finger against my face, and that thumping in my chest increased tenfold. In that moment, I forgot how much pain I was in, how much my world sucked. I forgot about her, forgot what they’d done to her. He offered me a place to lay it all down. He offered to help me

carry this burden, and I hated him even more for it. I could bend my shape, transform into terrible beasts, and breathe fire. I had super strength, but I wasn’t strong when it came to him and my feelings. Not by a long shot.

“I know I didn’t seem like it when I first came back. Thousands of years of emotions are stacked inside my head, things I never wanted to share with anyone until her. Then, she came crashing in like she did everything. It wasn’t anything at first. We could barely stand the sight of one another, but somehow, she snuck behind every defense I had and got under my skin. It was the most intense thing I had ever felt. All she did was talk to me, hold me through the worst of my nightmares, and she got in.

“Why do I feel so strongly for her? Why can’t I treat her like any other beast or creature? The time we spent together should mean nothing. Nothing. I have been with countless beings, traveled between worlds, saved thousands, and fought creatures that could swallow worlds. Yet this woman with a fiery attitude has burned me to my very core. I let her in during the worst part of my existence, and now she is in my bones.

being. And I hate it. I hate that it’s not simple anymore. I hate feeling so strongly for someone who does not feel the same.

Dianna saw me for who I am, not a ruler or king. She made me feel normal, and then she left me. Abandoned me like it meant nothing.”

“You’re right that I don’t get to dictate how you heal, but gods, Dianna, you could’ve used me. I would have let you, and you know it. Anything you desired, whenever you wanted, any way you wished. All you have to do is ask.”

“You would have been happy,” I said to his retreating back. “If you would have just let me go and kept your warriors out of my way. This would have been over, and you could have made this damned castle for your rightful queen.” Samkiel glanced at me over his shoulder, a small glow of silver dancing behind his storm-filled eyes. “You’re a fool if you think I would be happy in a world where you did not exist.”

Why couldn’t he just give up on me like everyone else? Damn him, and damn me for even caring.

“Calm your nerves, Your Majesty. There is no need for you to be envious. She calls to me for answers she is too afraid to receive from you.”

“A part of me wants to forbid you from answering her call, but if she has questions and wishes not to speak to me, I want her to have the support she needs. I would never want her alone. Kaden kept her from friends and family for centuries. I would not do the same. If she reaches out, you may answer, but not before.”

He was so kind, even after all the pain I’d caused Samkiel and The Hand. I didn’t deserve his kindness.

Kindness, when not deserved, was truly a mark of strength. I placed my hand in his, the warmth of his touch soothing.

Maybe that was my problem. At least when he or someone was here, I had someone to argue with instead of being stuck in my head all the time. If I were honest, that was the reason I had kept Camilla alive and Roccurem near. At least with them around, that aching pit in my chest didn’t threaten to swallow me whole.

Beautiful. It was such a stupid word and one I had heard plenty of times before. Yet he said it, and I damn near melted.

“Why are you doing this? Are you really trying to help me get my powers back? Do you really want to help me, or are you just that desperate to fuck me?” “No!” he snapped. “Gods, Dianna, why is it so hard for you to believe that someone just genuinely cares about you?” “Because they don’t!” I shouted, my voice breaking. “They don’t. I have lived a thousand years as someone’s weapon, someone’s thing. Everyone wants something from me, and the only person in the whole world who didn’t is dead!”

“You’re wrong.” His voice was like cold, hard steel. “She was not the only one. But you are also right that I do want something from you. I want you to be happy, healthy, and alive. I want the best for you because gods know you deserve it after every fucking thing you’ve been through. One day I want you to smile again, really smile. I want to help you heal as you helped me.”

Grieving is another form of love, Dianna. Do not unlove her by burying it. I know it hurts, it's beyond painful, but if you bury her memory, you erase her. So I need you to feel.

“No one was there for me after I lost my father, my world. Not until you. I don’t want you to go through this alone. It won’t be easy, and there will be days you will feel like you don’t want to get out of bed, but I want to be there for you. Every day if you will let me.”

My eyes met his, and I knew he meant everything he’d said. These weren’t just empty words and promises. He’d proven it repeatedly. His hand remained outstretched.

A yawning bridge between us, a peace offering, a lifeline, and I desperately needed it. I realized Samkiel wasn’t just a light to me but an anchor, a shield. And he had been for a while now. I released a final defiant breath, meeting him stare for stare.

No matter how mean I was, how cruel, vile, and hateful, Samkiel saw me, and he cared.

“Why do you do that?” I asked, unable to process all that I was feeling. “Why do you wish for me to dislike you so much?” “I just don’t understand why you still care. Why do you still like me after everything I’ve done? Why do you still want me? It just doesn’t make sense, Samkiel.”

He made a noise low in his throat. “Do not be mean, then flirt with me.” “Why? It’s our whole dynamic.” He grumbled as he ate.

“But,” I finally said, “every fragment, every piece of me still left, cares about you. Even the very dangerous and ugly parts.” “Dianna,” he cupped my cheek, the heat of his palm rough against my skin, “there are no ugly parts or pieces of you, and I care about them all, broken or not.”

I know without a doubt that if I had an amata, even if they were alive today, I’d still choose you. It will always be you, Dianna.” I felt tears prick my eyes. “Destiny be damned?” “You are better than any destiny.” My chest ached. I hadn’t known how much I needed to hear those words from him. With those words, Samkiel had soothed the damaged, broken part of me that Kaden had left gutted and in need of healing.

I did trust him. Samkiel would always tell me the truth. I leaned forward and grabbed the neckline of his armor. Pulling him toward me, I kissed him. Once. Twice. Three times before I sat back down. “Now you kiss me?” “I needed to tell you what I had done before you kissed me. You needed to know because I did not want you to feel deceived or manipulated. I know what that is, and I would not have you feel that at my hands, Samkiel.” I gave him an angelic smile and started to gather the documents. “Plus, you were being nice.”

A lock on a door in a house rattled.

Keeps coming up whenever she has big feeling she isn't comfortable with. Whats behind the door an why isn't she acknowledging it

“You show me your dark secrets, and I show you mine.” “That indeed.” “I hope it gets better. For both of us.” Samkiel swayed with me in his arms. “It will. Trust me. This is not something you just recover from in months or even years, but I will be here with you every step of the way, whatever you need, just like you have been for me. You led me out of my darkness, Dianna. Now let me lead you, or I can follow you into the dark, but there is no me without you. Not anymore. Do you understand?”

Samkiel stared at me and then at the necklace I held between us. He stared so long my heart quickened. I rolled back on my heels, wondering if I’d made another mistake. Maybe it was too much? Maybe I was too much.

A feather-light kiss brushed my lips, one barely there. My entire body swam with heat. His eyes turned molten as he pulled back. He cupped my face, his thumb caressing my cheek, the slow, tender motion more searing than any kiss or intimate touch. When Samkiel looked at me, it was as if he saw into my very soul and cared for every single part—the good, the bad, the ugly, and the cruel.

“You’re afraid,” she whispered in shocked awe. Then her laughter

“Yes, I am afraid. She left so easily before. Even if I say the words, what’s stopping her from leaving me again? Or what if she does not feel the same? So yes, I am afraid. I fear not monsters or realms or anything really, but that, her rejection, she terrifies me.”

Was death peaceful? I had often wondered during the endless aching nights when my grief was too much and sleep would not take me. When existing seemed too much, long before she came into my life. But if death was peaceful, then this was indeed living.

I stifled a laugh as I sniffled. “I’m a terrible person.” “No.” Her voice cracked as she smiled at me. “You’re just a girl who gave up everything she had for the ones she loved. You deserve to be loved in return.”