Enough

by Cassidy Hutchinson

friend alerted me to the speech Liz is giving at the Reagan Presidential Library the day after my testimony. The speech is a summons to defend our constitutional order and a paean to the values that defined the Republican Party under Ronald Reagan’s leadership. They are the values that had attracted me to the party—universal freedom, equal justice, private initiative, limited government, a strong defense, and internationalism. I watch her speak from my hotel room and start to cry when she praises my patriotism and the audience applauds.

Motorcades are unremarkable to me. I’ve been in hundreds before. But this one is strange. Because this time it’s me who needs protection. My life is in danger. I learn that one of the officers in my car is assigned to Senate majority leader Chuck Schumer and another is from Liz Cheney’s detail. I learn, too, that I’m the first nonelected official under Capitol Police protection. “I’m honored,” I stammer. “The honor is ours,” one of the officers responds. We make eye contact through the rearview mirror. I know he’s referring to my testimony, but I can’t find the words I want to use. You’re the ones who suffered, because of us. Because of the president I worked for. You’re the heroes.

I had started my job with the belief that my colleagues and I were doing something important for the country. But when the president I had served wholeheartedly persuaded his supporters to reject the legitimacy of a free and fair election, I knew he was leading a dangerous assault on our political ideals and governing institutions for no other purpose than to soothe his injured pride. For a time, I resisted admitting that to myself, and I resisted being a part of efforts to hold him accountable for his actions.

I wish I could say that I promptly and easily made the decision to come forward. After a desperate hunt to find pro bono counsel, I ended up with Trump World–funded counsel. At times I provided less-than-complete testimony to congressional investigators to assuage the concerns of those keeping a watchful eye on me. But I was ashamed of being complicit, possibly even instrumental, in an insurrection. That shame drove me to look for a way to break free from the clutches of Trump World and seek redemption by rectifying my missteps. I needed to find my way back to the right side of history. I needed a second chance.

I still consider myself a Republican. But I denounce the tribalism that produced the outlandish conspiracy theories and violence that some party leaders not only failed to condemn but even excused in their pursuit of power. If we do not restore responsible governing, respect for our democratic practices, and accountability for our leaders as core Republican values, I fear not only for the future of our party, but for our nation.