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If every relationship was a series of advances and retreats, Cyrus was almost never the retreat-er, sharing everything important about himself at a word, a smile, with a shrug as if to say, “Those’re just facts. Why should I be ashamed?”
“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you!” Cyrus would announce proudly to a room, to a bar, forgetting from whom he’d lifted the line.
But Cyrus was, for his part, more than a little surprised by the words as they came out his mouth, how they gave shape to something that had long been formless within him. It was like the language in the air that night was a mold he was pouring around his curiosity. Flour thrown on a ghost.
You’re the definition of available.” “Jesus,” Cyrus said. “Flexible.” Sad James corrected, trying to soften Zee’s language. “You’re currently open to the vicissitudes of fate.”
sometimes epiphany was as subtle as a friend showing you something they saw on Twitter.
Cyrus was trying to be better about noticing these moments, about feeling grateful for the texture and specificity they lent his life.
his whole life had been a steady procession of him passionately loving what other people merely liked, and struggling, mostly failing, to translate to anyone else how and why everything mattered so much.
Incredible, how naming something took nothing away from its stagger. Language could be totally impotent like that.
I want to be worthy of the great terror my existence inspires.
“Cyrus, for months, every song I’ve listened to has been directly about me. About my life. And my stupid fucking life with you. Every flower has been blooming straight into my fucking face. Do you know what that is? It’s like being insane. Like the fucking pigeons are speaking to me. Have you ever felt that? Do you have any idea what I’m even talking about?”
What a beautiful way to say you love someone
“Tenez fermement à la corde de dieu,”
His whole life was a conspiracy of other people helping him, other people teaching him this or that.
The world was full enough that I didn’t need to store anything inside myself. I wore gold jewelry that warmed in sunlight. I made my friends smile. I did not linger to see what my enemies did.
