Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier

by Arthur C. Brooks

Researchers studying couples’ arguments have found that those who use “we words” when they fight are apt to have less cardiovascular arousal, fewer negative emotions, and higher marital satisfaction than those who use “me/you words.”[50]

Third, put your money on your team.

Fourth, treat your arguments like exercise.

For collaborative couples, conflict can be seen in the same way: it’s not fun in the moment, but it is an opportunity to solve inevitable problems collaboratively, which strengthens the relationship.[53]

The third pillar for building a happier life is meaningful work.

But for most people, when they learn that getting happier starts within, they can make work less stressful, more joyful, and a source of personal growth.

but think about it: How much of your time are you really present? We are not completely conscious of the present moment most of the time in ordinary life. Much of our attention is on the past and future—at

In the meantime, you are missing your life right now.

Now, close your eyes in meditation or prayer. You become truly present in this moment of your life—you are mindful.

If we are thinking about the past or future, “we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes.”

Avoiding yourself won’t work in the long run; in fact,

Pay attention and manage what matters—the four fundamental pillars of family, friendship, work, and faith—by

In my view, a teacher is not the one who knows everything; it’s simply the one who shares what they’ve learned.

When you learn, teach. When you get, give.

So many still believe that there is not hope as long as there is pain in their lives. Find the people in your life in this situation. Be their hope.

Don’t hide your own struggles. Use them to help others understand that they are not alone, and getting happier is possible. Your pain gives you credibility, and your progress makes you an inspiration. And sharing with others increases that progress, making it the perfect win-win.

Grandparents lean on their experience and wisdom and tend not to freak out over little things, which makes everything easier and more fun.

As you’ve read this book, you may have noticed a running theme: every practice that helps you build the life you want is based on one thing. Love.

All of the pillars of happiness are about love, too: love for your family, love for your friends, love made visible by bringing your best self to work, and love for the divine through your transcendent journey.

Start each day saying, “I don’t know what this day will bring, but I will love others and allow myself to be loved.”

You will react badly to someone; you will let your feelings get the better of you; you will throw up your hands in frustration. That’s only natural. The key to progress isn’t perfection, it’s to begin again, and again, and again. Every day is a new day, and another opportunity to pick up the hammer and go back to work. Just remind yourself that the life you want is built on love, and start again.