Kindle Notes & Highlights
Luck happens to the prepared. Those who do their homework have always had a leg up on the field.
Prepared fact: Scouts founder Robert Baden-Powell wrote an eloquent final letter to the organization before his death in 1941. He urged Scouts to “try and leave this world a little better than you found it and when your turn comes to die, you can die happy in feeling that at any rate you have not wasted your time but have done your best. ‘Be Prepared’ in this way, to live happy and to die happy—stick to your Scout Promise always—even after you have ceased to be a boy—and God help you to do it.” I’m not crying, you’re crying.
Solving for the ‘worst reaction’ shows you’ve thought it through and increases the probability of getting the best reaction.”
I come prepared for the sake of the meeting, the people in the meeting, and the purpose of the meeting.”
PREPARE FOR TAKEAWAYS! Prepared people inspire confidence and have an easier time gaining buy-in. Better to be overprepared than underprepared. You never know when video-game knowledge might come in handy. Never stop preparing.
Being self-aware is knowing all about you while knowing that it’s not all about you.
People who are self-aware are more creative, more effective at their jobs, better at relationships, better leaders, and more likely to be promoted.
WHO IS SELF-AWARE? DOLLY PARTON I don’t think anyone does self-aware better than Dolly. She took a bombastic image and made it her brand, synonymous with kindness, generosity, and empathy—not to mention amazing musical talent. She’s often told the story of how, as a child, she idolized the style of a woman in town who did not have the best reputation. She said everyone else called the woman “cheap,” but Dolly loved her big hair and tight clothes. In less enlightened times, Dolly has been criticized for the image she’s cultivated, but no one can tell her anything she wasn’t already aware of and
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Self-awareness is a pact we make with ourselves to be better for others.
“The leaders with no self-awareness, in my personal experience, have created toxic working environments, unhealthy staffs, and it is apparent that they themselves are unhealthy people. I have had self-aware leaders model humble and servant leadership, and those who are not self-aware model narcissism. Narcissists may find some success, but as soon as they leave, the mess they leave is revealed. I’ve seen it time and time again. Those who model self-aware leadership, their success has staying power because it’s never about them.”
Fun fact: President Theodore Roosevelt was a larger-than-life character, known for many acts of derring-do and idiosyncratic personality traits. Among the tamer of these were his long speeches and his pince-nez. In 1912, someone attempted to assassinate him, taking aim and shooting him as he was about to give a speech in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Roosevelt was knocked backward but not killed. The bullet was stopped by the contents of his breast pocket: fifty folded pages of another long speech and the steel pince-nez case. With great self-awareness (and probably an unhealthy dose of adrenaline),
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“The key to being self-aware, in my opinion, is vulnerability.”
He also has a great set of ground rules for asking and getting feedback. Adrian S.’s rules of feedback engagement: You must be willing to risk looking insecure. Make it clear why you’re asking. For example, “Asking for feedback like this is how I operate. I’m not unsure of myself; I just want to see what you see.” Let people know they have your permission to give feedback and assure them you won’t become defensive. Make sure your feedback givers know you won’t always be acting on their advice. But at least occasionally, adjust based on their input.
“I believe in the power of asking people to give me feedback. In the areas I can make changes, I do,” says Aaron C. “But when changes are not possible, I commit to delegating those areas and empowering others to make improvements to the level required.”
Self-awareness is a lifelong journey, but don’t forget that doing the work is worth it. Happiness comes with self-awareness, remember? Standout Scott M. has learned this: “I had to go through the tough process of learning about myself so that I not only could lead better but enjoy my life more, with the people I love.”
TAKEAWAYS TO BE AWARE OF Self-awareness is a social contract, benefiting you and those living in the world around you. Self-awareness leads to efficiency, better functioning teams, and happiness. Cultivate self-awareness by practicing humility and patience, trusting others to help, learning your limits, and pushing yourself to grow. Pince-nez and hard copy speeches save lives.
Research has also shown that curiosity is good for your mental health. Anxiety, for example, is not compatible with the feel-good, mental high-fiving your brain does when you’re wondering and discovering. Beyond that, the simple act of being curious about something that isn’t yourself can put you in a better mental state. Checking in on a friend or loved one who might also be going through an anxious or difficult time can be enough to derail your own anxiety and give you a dopamine boost from satisfied curiosity.
Basketball coach Phil Jackson was once asked his secret for coaching so well. He simply said, “I listen.” In our new world of people doing everything they can to promote themselves as smartest, strongest, and best, very few people work on learning to listen to people. But doing so is an essential tool in the standout toolbox of skills.
Max W. found that following his curiosity led to finding like-minded people who could help his organization thrive. “I found a group of peers who were all forming conclusions around the same ideas I was researching. We began to feed off of one another, and some really cool and innovative leadership models emerged. I not only found benefit in all of that process and application, but it also helped me to appreciate where following my curiosity might lead. I honestly can’t think of a single example of where following curiosity was like a waste of time.”
Once again, humility is your friend. Being curious requires the same kind of humility that being self-aware does. Remember that you don’t know everything. Proceed accordingly.
Some of us learn humility and some of us have humility thrust upon us.
Curiosity is caring, says Tonia B. “Care about others and practice asking about them. Think of others first.”
CURIOUS TAKEAWAYS Being curious about others is good for business and your brain. Curiosity yields humility and solutions. Find something you love and learn more, even if it’s just for your own personal enjoyment. Ask questions and listen.
“Success in any field, but especially in business, is about working with people, not against them,” writes Keith Ferrazzi.
Experts estimate that between 75 and 80 percent of jobs are won thanks to personal or professional connection. Networking is more important than ever. We can think of this in terms of the rarefied air of the Soho House in any given major city, where the rich and connected get richer and more connected, or any other institution like this that has existed as long as capitalism has.
Unicorns know how important skills like these (and the confidence that come with them) are. They’re a way to convert “connection” into “social capital,” aka, the art of making connection work for your benefit.
Social capital makes the world go round
David M. says he learned this at an early age: “My grandfather taught me early on that if you don’t ask, the answer will always be no. As I developed into a leader, I realized that you’ll get a lot more yeses than noes if you have deep, solid relationships and connections. I go out of my way to build those relationships.”
“I learned a long time ago that I don’t have to be the smartest, strongest, fastest, etc. But knowing and teaming up with those people can bring about great, important outcomes,” he says. Over the years, Dave has been able to plumb his circle and connect them with one another, confident that they would do the same for him. “I don’t look at people I meet as potential resources but instead try to find out who they are and what their focus is, and if doors open, I make a note of what that person knows, how I might nurture that relationship or friendship. . . . I’ve come to know a number of people
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Getting connected is key, but staying connected is where you become invaluable.
In business, being well connected is more than half the battle.
“I’m a big believer in social capital and the need to bank credit with members of my team before I can spend it. In my experience, team members respond more readily to a leader they like and respect, and who they know cares about them. Establishing rapport drives loyalty and commitment among all members of the team, especially the leadership.”
“I tell people that the best investment is in people,” says Thomas C. “At the end of the day, it is those trust relationships and people you poured into who will take care of you and keep you living abundantly and generously.”
“We have many of our meetings in people’s homes when possible. We eat snacks and catch up with one another. We value laughter and honesty and fun and sharing one another’s personal and spiritual burdens. While all this also takes time and energy (we often don’t actually start a meeting until twenty minutes in), it helps immensely when we have conflict. Because we like and enjoy one another, because we’ve built relationships with one another, because we see one another as family, when conflict and challenges and disagreement arise we are able to get through them in a healthy way. Tough stuff
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“Always notice others. Meet them where they are, walk with them; help them realize their gifts and strengths and grow in their journey. Love them.”
Margaret, observes: “The more people one knows the easier it becomes to replace them. . . . It’s one of the curses of London.” Swap “London” with “the internet,” and she’s summed up our modern life. The more connections you have, the easier it is to devalue them.
“We live in the most connected times the world has ever known, yet few people are intentional about it,” says Chris H. He argues that putting time and effort into your online connections yields quality and quantity. “I have developed a network of nearly ten thousand connections on LinkedIn and Twitter, communicating with many of those connections often.”
Brad L. makes the point that there’s no such thing as “quality versus quantity” when it comes to the time and energy you put into making connections. “Quality versus quantity is a false dichotomy when it comes to time spent building relationships,” he argues. If you are genuine and intentional, any amount of connecting counts. “Spending time with people builds trust and credibility, which leads to relational capital, which can be spent when it matters most. If you actually care about people, this will come naturally,” he says.
Connections aren’t always spontaneous. You must seize your opportunities.
“Never burn bridges. You never know when you’re going to experience a situation where a person from your past would be an ideal fit. You don’t want to have burned a bridge with that person. I got my current position thanks to a person I helped hire in my past job. They gave me the recommendation for this job, and I could not be happier.”
“Recognizing that building people is the most important thing we’ll ever have the chance to do is essential. No matter what you or your company produces, the only thing that will last forever is people and relationships with those people. When we recognize the value of people, we begin to recognize the value of the work we do.”
I’ve lived long enough to discover that it’s always good to err on the side of sending the text or forwarding an email if it means it might help connect someone you know with someone who needs it. Sixty seconds of your time could change someone’s life, so make the effort. Being kind has a shelf life, and if your connections think of you as one of the good ones, all kinds of doors will be opened to you.
CONNECT WITH THESE TAKEAWAYS Getting connected is easier than ever, but staying connected takes work. Know not only the “right” people but all people who deserve to be treated right. Remember the immortal words of Doug Ireland: “Nothing’s impossible, Albert. Impossible just takes a couple extra phone calls.”
Feelings act as a gatekeeper; if you don’t like a person, they won’t have the chance to show their competency. What little competency a person has will be maximized if they’re liked; likability trumps competency almost every time.
The popular were associated with social dominance, influence, and aggression. The Likable were emotionally well-adjusted and less aggressive. Popular people push and shove while the Likable welcome and unify.
Dale Carnegie: “Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”
Muhammad Ali quote: “I don’t trust anyone who’s nice to me but rude to the waiter. Because they would treat me the same way if I were in that position.”
For the Likable, knowing when not to talk is just as important as knowing when to talk. In my career, I have been in meetings with distinguished people, experts in their field, only to find that the least experienced person in the room has the most to say. No one knows more than them; they have it all figured out and aren’t afraid to take your time telling you so.
Tips for cultivating likability at work: Set aside a few minutes at the start of meetings to talk about something that has nothing to do with work. Coach your team on listening. Value empathy.
WHO IS LIKABLE? KEANU REEVES Whether it’s giving surprisingly profound answers on late night talk shows or going viral for the patience and care he takes with his fans, Keanu Reeves never seems to be anything but likable. Tales of his kindness and generosity fill the internet. He buys his stuntmen motorcycles. He takes pay cuts to get movies made. He takes public transportation and gives up his seat to ladies with bags. His girlfriend is age appropriate. He gives money to children’s hospitals with as little recognition as possible. Keanu Reeves is one of the good ones or, more accurately, one
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