The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists (Pirates, #)

by Gideon Defoe

‘According to my Beaufort Scale,’ said the albino pirate, waving a nautical pamphlet at the rest of the crew, ‘a hurricane is number twelve, or “that which no canvas could withstand”. As you can see, our canvases are fine, so it obviously wasn’t a hurricane. I should say it was somewhere between number six, a Strong Breeze – or “that which will send a pirate’s hat flying and muss up his luxuriant beard” and number eight, a Fresh Gale – or “that which will make a pirate’s trousers billow about so that it looks like he has fat legs”.’ ‘Are you sure that’s an actual Beaufort Scale you’ve got there?’ asked the scarf-wearing pirate. ‘Of course I’m sure,’ snapped the albino pirate. ‘The Pirate Captain wrote it out for me himself.’

‘That explains a lot,’ he said. ‘I suppose it’s also why we’ve never glimpsed that giant compass in the corner of the Atlantic. I have to say, I’m a little disappointed.’

The albino pirate noticed a sign which pointed to an exhibit of ‘The Most Destructive Animal in the World!’. Some of the pirates had bets on whether it would be a bear or a shark, but it turned out to be a big mirror. The most destructive animal in the world was mankind itself! Especially pirates! But to show they weren’t all bad, two of the pirates decided to sponsor a polar bear.

‘Pfft! I’ve made a few mistakes myself,’ said the Pirate Captain, trying to console him. ‘Like that time I let a cannibal join the crew. And that other time when I said “Well, I don’t see any hurricane.” I’m not perfect.’