When Sinners Say "I Do": Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage

by Dave Harvey

Our temptation is to believe that the way to a good Christian marriage is right teaching, right action, working harder, repenting more, and feeling different. Sure, these are crucial, but they are not grace. Again, for you and me there is no more urgent need than a deepening awareness of what the grace of God really means when sinners say “I do.”

It is a prevailing, unstoppable grace that doesn’t close up shop the day after the sinner’s prayer. It’s the power of God to help us overcome sin, and a potent weapon in the fierce struggles that accompany life after the honeymoon of conversion.

grace is constantly at work in us, gradually and incrementally, so that we can patiently but diligently run the race set out for us. And a significant part of the race we will run is our marriage.

“Human sin is stubborn,” says Cornelius Plantinga, “but not as stubborn as the grace of God and not half so persistent, not half so ready to suffer to win its way.”3 Stubborn, persistent, unrelenting grace that changes us.

Maturity comes not just from knowing what to avoid, but what to pursue.

That’s why there are two aspects to sanctifying grace: a renouncing and an embracing—a turning from what is wrong and a turning toward what is right.

How often do you point your spouse back to the grace of God? How often do you remind him or her that God’s grace is always at work to train and change us? I don’t think I do it enough.

It’s easy to have our spiritual perspective skewed by paying too much attention to what we see inside. How can we help one another along?

1. Your spouse is inclined to drift from grace to self-effort.

When a spouse communicates grace, we move beyond mistakes and the journey becomes enjoyable.

sex in marriage is to be a God-installed defense against temptation.

Sex works invisibly but powerfully to diminish temptations to sexual immorality. We need to see that such moral protection is not just a pleasant byproduct of marital intimacy. It is a core reason for marital intimacy.

God intends for our greatest joy in marriage to come from being a primary source of joy to our spouse.

God cares about these things, and he offers us the grace to enjoy fully the adventure of mutual marital delight.

For whether spoken or unspoken, each of these lies ultimately point heavenward. “God can’t answer this prayer.” “His promises can’t apply to my situation.” “God can’t change my desire.” “I can’t trust God.” “Grace can’t reach this far.”

We must battle both forms of unbelief with a dependence on who God has revealed himself to be in his Word. Scripture tells us that we serve an omnipotent and sovereign God who views sex as central and vital to the closest relationship two people can have.

Bitterness is one of the most common causes of neglected sex. From the soil of anger and unresolved conflicts, it grows quickly into a virulent weed that chokes out intimacy. Married people turned bitter use their bodies as a weapon, a weapon that harms by withholding. A weapon used to punish the other person for sinning against us. This calls for forgiveness.

When it comes to your marriage, think of creativity as simply faith-inspired work, a natural outgrowth of your belief that God cares about your marriage and wants to help you improve it. The important thing is not how naturally creative

Most of the folks I know pursuing romance and intimacy in their marriages are spending time planning, asking questions, investigating what is romantic to their spouses and not assuming they know.

The fire of gospel hope burns deep, even when we feel incapable of feeding it.

No, there was a resolute confidence that God knew best and could be trusted.

Self-pity and fear are always begging to come along for the ride.

But for the Christian, there are things more powerful than grief. There is hope for the future. There is service in the present. Most importantly, there is the cross, both in the past and ever-present.