The Seven Primal Questions: Take Control of the Hidden Forces That Drive You

by Mike Foster

If your Primal Question is “Do I have a purpose?” you are most likely a champion for others’ dreams, goals, and aspirations. You are primed to make an impact in the world and other people’s lives.

Trauma is often the originator of this question. It certainly was for me. Trauma on the brain is like having a hundred hidden video tabs open on your computer. It overloads and slows down the operating system. It also creates extreme hypervigilance. Waiting for the other shoe to drop or expecting life to betray us is a part of PTSD. Even though I am safe now, it is still a hard concept to embrace. Why? Because trauma lives in the right side of our brains, which is the “eternal now” part of the brain. This is why your brain and body interpret past trauma as still happening now.

Author and researcher Brené Brown says, “True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”

In the film Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the main characters visit the Island of Misfit Toys. They meet a Charlie-in-the-Box, a train with square wheels, and hundreds of other toys deemed unworthy as gifts. Later, Rudolph (who knows all about being excluded) convinces Santa to gather up all these misfits and give them homes. A classic Q4 move! Incidentally, the original special, when aired, did not include this scene, but enough folks complained, and they added it in!

It is important to understand that success is not about achievement or winning but the joy that comes from being satisfied with your life.

the problem with perfectionism is that it makes everything less perfect. It is fear masked in nobility. It becomes a way to avoid putting your ideas, dreams, and creations into the world.

Author and researcher Brené Brown says, “Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.”

Author Matshona Dhliwayo says, “Unleash the potential that is in another and you unleash the potential that is in you.” This

A movement is made up of people making moves.

One of my favorite things to do when I’m working with a group is a role-playing exercise. I pretend I’m the CEO and the group is my staff. I show them how I would lead them via their Primal Question. John is a Q1: Am I Safe? I would make sure my communication with John is clear and to the point. I’d deliberately overcommunicate with him and ensure there were no last-minute surprises. For instance, I’d never send a text on a Friday saying let’s meet Monday, because as a Q1, John will spend all weekend wondering if he’s in trouble. I would tap him for any risk assessment within a project. Jesse is a Q2: Am I Secure? I’d assure that Jesse understood all the numbers associated with his bonuses, compensation, and benefits. If the company’s sales were down, I would reassure him that we are flush with cash and have no reason to do layoffs. Rachel is a Q3: Am I Loved? I would slow down and be present with Rachel. I’d listen more than I would talk. I would ask about her and her family. I might give her a small gift card for her favorite lunch spot. Don is a Q4: Am I Wanted? I would always make sure to invite Don to everything. Whether it be a spur-of-the-moment meeting with a few folks or drinks with the guys at happy hour, I would be intentional about making sure Don knew that I’d love to have him come. Kathy is a Q5: Am I Successful? I would highlight Kathy’s excellent sales metrics. I might show her how she ranks with other employees and call out how she’s killing it. I’d put he...