He Who Fights with Monsters 10 (He Who Fights with Monsters, #10)

by Shirtaloon

“It’s not an easy choice,” Jason said. “Abdicate the responsibility or accept that sometimes, you’re going to be wrong about decisions that affect so many people. Whole worlds, even.”

“I try to cultivate that in myself now. I want to be uncomfortable when I kill or make equally sweeping decisions for others. If I can find another way, I will.”

I was sharing my perspective. You don’t have to agree, or even listen, but there aren’t a lot of people that understand the positions we find ourselves in. The choices we have to make. I think that we should learn from one another as best we can. It’s been my experience that other people help light the way. I can’t speak for you, but when left alone, I start getting things wrong. Long enough, they start getting very wrong.

I didn’t come here to have you sympathise with me. You disagreed with me and it’s gotten into my head. I came here to clarify my feelings so I can stop dwelling on it. I can’t argue it out if you keep empathising with my position.” “I can see how that would be frustrating.”

“You are special, and not because you’re diamond rank; you’re diamond rank because you’re special. I wish I could be that at peace.

“I think I know you well enough to state that you only want special treatment to the degree that special circumstances warrant it,

“Have I ever mentioned how much I appreciate your wisdom, Shade?” “Perhaps in passing, Mr Asano, but it is always welcome.”

“Colin, how many times do I have to say it? No blood apocalypses.”

“No offence taken. At all. I am startlingly aware that I am not a mental health professional.”

“He is incomplete,” Marek corrected. “Not flawed.” “Oh, don’t sell me short, Marek,” Jason said, stepping out of a shadow. “I can be both. I have depths we have not yet begun to plumb. Also, I didn’t leave anything inside you, young lady. If I did, your dark agenda would be obsessively watching recording crystals of The Greatest American Hero.”

“We both know that you waved Jali here into my astral realm so that she wouldn’t die. Maybe now, instead of telling her to die for your beliefs, you might want to give that action you took some thought. Examine why you did that. See how those beliefs hold up when you have the courage to be unflinchingly honest with yourself.”

“Peace has to start with someone. Sometimes it seems impossible, but that can be when the effort is most important. There was another way, and I took it. Compassion, like I just said.

“That thing where you use people’s full name all the time is bloody annoying.”

“Mercy and compassion aren’t about deserving. Or they shouldn’t be,

Compassion can be hard to give, and so easy to give up on. I did that for longer than I’d like to admit. Mercy and compassion are so often regarded as pointless, weakness or all cost and no payoff.

“Compassion isn’t always easy and you don’t always get it right.

“You’re not a great listener, are you?” “You are an arrogant fool.” “Yep,” he agreed cheerfully.

“And I’ll get the job done. I’ll take your mysterious device into whatever is going on underground. There we’ll find whatever trap you’ve set to go off and dump us in the brown stuff while giving you exactly what you want.” “Yet you will go anyway, confident that you can outmatch me and get what you want instead.” “We did agree I’m an arrogant fool. I think that’s an astral king trait as well.” “The mark of an astral king is pride. Dignity. Power.

“Well, technically is the best kind of correct, so I’ll take it.”

“I wanted to see what manner of man you are for myself, so I projected myself here to see this mortal who had reforged himself into an astral king. But you’re an idiot.” Jason erupted into laughter. “Yes,” he choked out, still laughing. “Yes, I am. And you’re stuck dealing with me.”

“I’m just like every other guy who periodically saves the world,” he called back. “I just look better doing it.”

“She’s chucked the bucket of water on you, wicked witch. Time to pack up your flying monkeys and melt away.”

“But if you’re setting messengers free,” Jali realised, “then you’re giving the Unorthodoxy the one thing it needs most: the ability to grow their numbers outside of astral king control. And suddenly, you become much more important to eliminate.”

“The answer is still the same: because I want to be kind. I want to make things better. Sometimes, violence is the answer, but the best it can do is remove something that would otherwise make things worse. Violence can’t make things better. That takes kindness. Forgiveness. Redemption. Making the stupid choice and hoping that others will make it with you.”

“You think it‘s strange that I don’t have a friend who is a specialist in something no one is a specialist of, and is willing to drop everything and follow me into the bowels of the planet to an unknown and extremely dangerous situation? Just because I asked?”

“Wow,” Marcus said. “I may need to get better friends.”

“I like your hair,” Jason said as they shook hands. “I like your ludicrous power and ability to come back from the dead. Do you have any idea how crazy the stories about you are?”

“Power reveals who you are. On Earth, my relative power was enormous and I don’t like what that did to me. Am I better now? I feel like I am, but what if I’m wrong and I become too powerful for my friends to correct me?”

“Mr Asano, if you’re waiting until you become a perfect man, you’ll be waiting forever. Literally. You’re ageless and it will never happen.”

“People try to kidnap or assassinate me a lot. If I took it all personally, I’d spend my life hunting down people for bloody reprisals, and that’s no way to live.

“So, to sum up,” Farrah said. “We’re going underground into a situation we don’t understand, filled with unstable magic we don’t understand, so we can fight enemies we don’t understand in order to do something we don’t understand but will probably give our worst enemies exactly what they want. We possibly understand what that is, but it’s a guess. Also, to pre-empt questions, I am trying to get everyone to not do this. I’ve got my own stuff going on, and if my friends weren’t going on this extremely ill-advised mission, I could get back to that.”

We get quite broad discretionary power and I find an axe through someone’s head on the first day helps set a tone.”

“Clive Standish is in charge of magical operations and investigation,” Marcus continued. “When the magic gets weird, and it will, you do what he says, when he says it. If you don’t, I won’t need to punish you because you’ll have died like an idiot.”

“I did say he had unique qualifications. The fact is, he regularly operates outside of any scenario that makes sense to the rest of us.

“Not getting better so much as less awful,” Sophie told him. “But you’re doing well, Clive; keep it up.”

Jason had argued that he would probably be fine, losing the debate at the word ‘probably.’

“I will not apologise for being awesome.” “What was that?” Farrah asked. “You were trying to explain how I’m the one doing ridiculous things, but I couldn’t hear it over the sound of you coming back from the dead over and over.” “Oh, like you’ve never come back to life.”

“You can call your team member back,” he said. “She’s surplus to requirements.”

Valetta only watched the fight instead of going to rescue them or help Asano. Miriam’s expression tightened with rage.

For many essence users, their powers were a reflection of who they were. Humphrey’s were strong and straightforward while Sophie’s were swift, elusive and unassailable. Belinda’s required clever invention while Clive’s had a complexity requiring someone steeped in the underlying rules of magic. Jason’s powers were the ideals of faith from the culture in which he had been raised, turned into horrifying weapons.

“I’m not sure I like the way you do things, Operations Commander. Provoking people so you can gauge their reaction might get that reaction you’re looking for, but they’re still provoked.” “And I’m not sure I like where you put your trust, Tactical Commander. The wrong person in a critical role, you could kill us all.”

“My understanding is that respecting authority isn’t something you do well yourself.” “You’re right. It’s why I tend to avoid expeditions. But we’re in the situation we’re in.” “It’s easier when you’re in charge.”

That’s not particularly fair, but if fair mattered, I wouldn’t have a problem with authority.”

But admitting she was wrong was hard, especially to someone of lower rank, and pride was always easier than humility.

“I know what it’s like to make a mistake out of pride or self-confidence. To get others hurt. We don’t deserve to be judged only by the worst things we’ve done. Not so long as we try to do better. But, just so we’re clear, there won’t be a third chance for you. This expedition is too important for that.”

“It’s starting to feel like one of those movies where the expedition to do the important thing starts shedding people until the last, desperate survivors finally succeed at the cost of their own lives. Are we stealing the Death Star plans, bro?”

My instincts are screaming it, and Shade thinks my instincts are some kind of weird fate magic.”

“Back to Earth, where you can take care of your mum. Don’t worry, brother; I’ll get you there or die trying. Or both. Probably both.”

“Colin is a voice. Shade isn’t, but Gordon and Farrah are somewhere in the middle. They have a bond with me, but it’s not the full-blown connection of a voice.

“Besides, the process is voluntary. I won’t pressure you into going all the way. I’m all about consent.”