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August 7 - August 14, 2023
“Not for her,” he said under his breath, though there was no one to hear him, “for me…”
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That had been too much, she knew. And indeed Will was on it, like a spider leaping onto a particularly tasty fly. “Mr. Herondale?” he demanded. “Tessa, I thought…?” “You thought what?” Her tone was glacial. “That we could at least talk about books.” “We did,” she said. “You insulted my taste. And you should know, The Wide, Wide World is not my favorite book. It is simply a story I enjoyed, like The Hidden Hand, or—You know, perhaps you should suggest something to me, so I can judge your taste. It’s hardly fair otherwise.”
She slays.
“And good night, Will.” He looked up. “Good night, Tessa.”
Friendship is one mind in two bodies.
My father thought they lived wild up there in the north, like savages, and he wasn’t shy about saying so.
“On some smelly train all the way up to deadly dull Yorkshire?
What's with all the Yorkshire slander?
“And we saved Church,” said Jem.
For Tessa Gray, on the occasion of being given a copy of Vathek to read: Caliph Vathek and his dark horde Are bound for Hell, you won’t be bored! Your faith in me will be restored— Unless this token you find untoward And my poor gift you have ignored. —Will Tessa burst out laughing, then clapped a hand over her mouth.
Same girl
“The idea of parabatai comes from an old tale, the story of Jonathan and David. ‘And it came to pass … that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul… Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.’
Gay?
“There once was a lass from New York Who found herself hungry in York. But the bread was like rocks, The parsnips shaped like—”
“But you love her.” Will stared at him. “Of course I do,” he said finally. “I had come to think I would never love anyone, but I love her.”
“Jem is dying anyway,” Will said in a choked voice. “Jem is what I have allowed myself. I tell myself, if he dies, it is not my fault. He is dying anyway, and in pain. Ella’s death at least was swift. Perhaps through me he can be given a good death.” He looked up miserably, met Magnus’s accusing eyes. “No one can live with nothing,” he whispered. “Jem is all I have.”
If you hold it away from yourself long enough, do you lose it entirely? If no one cares for you at all, do you even really exist?”
“Must I go bound while you go free Must I love a man who doesn’t love me Must I be born with so little art As to love a man who’ll break my heart?”
but she had read the other two so many times that no surprises lay between the pages, only phrases so familiar to her they had become like old friends.
“I knew there was something strange. I felt it like a shadow on my soul.”
I feel myself dissolving, vanishing into nothingness, for if there is no one in the world who cares for you, do you really exist at all?
“Oh, good,” he said. “Now we’re all three together.”
“Beautiful,” she said, and she meant it. “You are beautiful, James Carstairs.”
The virtue of angels is that they cannot deteriorate; their flaw is that they cannot improve. Man’s flaw is that he can deteriorate; and his virtue is that he can improve. —Hasidic saying
Sophie had slapped him across the face.
“I do care what other people think,” he said with a surprising intensity, staring into the flames. “It’s all I think about—what others think, what they feel about me, and I about them; it drives me mad. I wanted escape—”
“Sophie? Might I ask you something?” She knew she should correct him, ask him to call her Miss Collins, but she didn’t. “I—yes?” “Whatever happens with the lessons—might I see you again?”
He had dreamed he was lying on a hill in Wales with the sky high and blue overhead, and that Tessa had come walking up the hill to him and had sat down beside him. I love you, he had said to her, and kissed her, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Do you love me? She had smiled at him. You will always come first in my heart, she had said. Tell me this is not a dream, he had whispered to her as she’d put her arms around him, and then he’d no longer known what was waking and what was sleeping.
“You hurt everyone,” said Jem. “Everyone whose life you touch.” “Not you,” Will whispered. “I hurt everyone but you. I never meant to hurt you.”
James, you are all the family I have.” Will’s voice shook. “I would die for you. You know that. I would die without you. If it were not for you, I would be dead a hundred times over these past five years. I owe you everything, and if you cannot believe I have empathy, perhaps you might at least believe I know honor—honor, and debt—”
I have failed my family before, James. I would not fail you—”
“My Tessa,” he said,
“I have wanted to do this,” he said, “every moment of every hour of every day that I have been with you since the day I met you. But you know that. You must know. Don’t you?”
She had one hand on his chest, holding him a little bit away, but had no idea how long she could keep it there. Her body ached for him. Time had snapped and lost its meaning. There was only this moment, only Will. She had never felt anything like it, and she wondered if this was what it was like for Nate when he was drunk.
“I am brave,” Will said. He looked pleased with himself. The painkilling tonics had enlarged his pupils, and his eyes looked very dark. “Yes, you are,” Magnus said, and kissed him.
LMAO
“To be friends is a beautiful thing, Tessa, and I do not scorn it, but I have hoped for a long time now that we might be more than friends.
“Say something, Tessa.” Jem’s voice shook. “I fear that you think that I regret that night. I do not.” His thumb brushed over her wrist, the bare skin between the cuff of her dress and her glove. “I only regret that it came too soon. I—I would have wanted to—to court you first. To take you driving, with a chaperon.” “A chaperon?” Tessa laughed despite herself. He went on determinedly. “To tell you of my feelings first, before I showed them. To write poetry for you—” “You don’t even like poetry,” Tessa said, her voice catching on a half laugh of relief. “No. But you make me want to write it.
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It was a peculiar experience walking the streets of London as a boy, Tessa thought as she made her way along the crowded pavement of Eastcheap. The men who crossed her path spared her barely a glance, just pushed past her toward the doors of public houses or the next turn in the street. As a girl, walking alone through these streets at night in her fine clothes, she would have been the object of stares and jeers. As a boy she was—invisible. She had never realized what it was like to be invisible before.
I love you. And I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose you, either,
“I thought I had been escaping into sleep—that real life was the nightmare and that sleep was where I could find peace.”
“There has never been a curse on you, Will Herondale. Not one put there by me.”
He was free—and he was alone, and the icy wind cut through him like a knife.
“Very curious,” said Woolsey, appearing behind Magnus in the doorway. The warm lights of the house turned Woolsey’s dark blond hair into a pale gold tangle. He looked as if he’d been sleeping. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were fond of that boy.” “Know better in what sense, Woolsey?” Magnus asked, absently, still watching Will, and the light sparking off the Thames behind him. “He’s Nephilim,” said Woolsey. “And you’ve never cared for them. How much did he pay you to summon Marbas for him?” “Nothing,” said Magnus, and now he was not seeing anything that was there, not the river, not
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“It is always better to live the truth than to live a lie.
“You are not plain,” Henry said, his face still blazing. “You are beautiful. And I didn’t ask your father if I could marry you out of duty; I did it because I loved you. I’ve always loved you. I’m your husband.”
Charlotte, you can’t let it happen. This is our home. It’s Jem’s home, Sophie’s home.”
“I forbid you to resign your directorship. Do you understand? Over all these years you’ve done everything for me as if I were your own blood, and I’ve never told you I was grateful. That goes for you as well, Henry. But I am grateful, and because of it I shall not let you make this mistake.”
Tessa, I love you. I want to marry you.”
“There is a force and strength in love,” he said. “That is what that inscription means. It is in the Shadowhunter wedding ceremony, too. For love is as strong as death. Have you not seen how much better I have been these past weeks, Tessa? I have been ill less, coughing less. I feel stronger, I need less of the drug—because of you. Because my love for you sustains me.”
