Blackouts

by Justin Torres

I read how a chronic loser constantly misplaces objects, useful or necessary—in my case, watches, keys, wallets, gloves, hats, sunglasses, eyeglasses. Sometimes they are recovered; mostly they are not. From what I understood, this is a symptom of altered libidinal processes; something misfiring in the deep, where desires are formed, making attachment difficult. (So I’m reenacting some infantile drama of neglect? Perhaps, nene, who knows?) But this made sense to me: In our attachments, whether to objects or others, there exists a continual fluctuation of our energies. We wish to possess, to be possessed, and to be relieved of our possessions all at once. The hoarder solves the problem of value and attachment by holding on. The chronic loser lets it all go.