The Nerdist Way: How to Reach the Next Level (In Real Life)

by Chris Hardwick

Freelancers, game designers, graphic designers, DMs (Dungeon Masters), musicians, artists, crafties, and writers

The erroneous lesson that I learned was “Work just falls in your lap.”

It occurred to me that I had sent all of the Nerd qualities that defined me as a youth to the attic, like so many old comic books and outdated game consoles.

Deep down I was still the outcast kid who had decided to abandon all of his passions

For all the years I had spent tearing down my life, I would now be dedicated to rebuilding it, and hopefully better than it was before.

I knew it would at least be different, and different was good.

I immediately began consuming as much improvement stuff as possible. (Replacing alcohol, anyone?? Maybe, but it wa...

Nerds are a community who should support each other (though some of us tend to take such pleasure in tearing others down on message boards, but let’s ignore that for now).

Not addressing that is what led to the fall of nerdom

you can tweet at me with the hashtag #DoucheChimp.

you can change your life in an instant with a simple decision. A “you can do it if you just start” kind of thing.

It’s a weird and glorious moment of self-awareness the day you realize that you are the warden rather than the prisoner of your emotions.

there is a tremendous and fulfilling sense of control in understanding every single detail of a thing more than any other living creature.

Nerds tend to obsess over mind-oriented activities and as such shy away from physical ones—like sports—and therefore suffer much social ostracizing while young.

turn inward and become more introspective and obsessive, thereby strengthening their Nerdiness.

if ANY group should understand the merits of exercising open-mindedness and tolerance . . .

So much emphasis is placed these days on the superficial qualities of what people expect Nerds to look like and be into that the essential elements of what it means to be a Nerd are lost.

No matter the costume, Nerds obsess. We zealously deconstruct. We have a very active internal monologue (which may feel more like a dialogue sometimes). I think that so many of the things we undertake are a partial attempt to distract this monologue. We are hyper-self-aware. We have difficulty “chilling out.”

even though we seem to be a culture of “GIMME GIMME GIMME,” most people would be stumped if you asked them point-blank what it is that they want.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve skipped dinner because I’m sitting in my driveway going “What sounds good??” for an hour until I give up and go to bed hungry and confused.

IN REAL LIFE (or “IRL,” in annoying cyberspeak).

When you were a teenager and started discovering the hobbies and interests that would define you, you probably had no problem concentrating on stuff because you were finding and learning new things. Then when you would pick those things, your focus went into hyperphase because you needed to conquer and own these passions.

He had a LaserDisc player in ’79, an early Betamax (he said the quality was better than VHS—he was right), any newfangled video camera, an Atari 2600, Coleco-Vision, Intellivision .

He had his arcade tech mark up a bunch of quarters with red nail polish that would then be separated and recycled for me, giving me an endless stream of arcade game play.

Why not just give him some quarters? Why did they have to be marked?

I was a happily spoiled Gen X brat.

So why are video games so addictive? First and foremost, they’re an active distraction. They’re constantly engaging. How the hell did kids distract themselves before video games? Probably with zoetropes and having to work in factories.

Second—and I think most important—they make you feel like you’re actually doing something. Your brain processes the tiered game achievements as REAL LIFE achievements.

just in case you’re some kind of jock trying to infiltrate Nerd culture to dole out a monsoon of noogies when we least expect it,

If your brain feels soupy, it may be because you’ve been carrying around too much crap in it so it’s important to pull that out onto the paper and into the physical world.

Once you have a list of things you want—some might be short-term goals and others long term—order them by level of difficulty, that is, how hard you think it will be to acquire them. Then draw a line around one row of cells from the left to right X axes on the graph paper. Every few cells, make a vertical notch and over each of the notches write the things you want to achieve in order of difficulty from easiest to hardest. Art

Wizards of the Coast (owners of the D&D franchise) has a great name generator at nerdi.st/NameGenerator. I went on just now and got the name Varolin Quifflock. I know, you’re jealous. Or horny.

Intelligence: Pretty self-explanatory, don’t you think, Genius Bar? Charisma: How magnetic or influential are you over other life-forms? Strength: Can you do a sit-up? What kind of shape are you in? Wisdom: Different from intelligence; you may be smart, but do you make healthy decisions? Will: Can you commit to things even when you don’t feel like doing them? Confidence: Are you comfortable in your skin? Are your decisions accompanied by conviction?

Good characters generally care about the welfare of others. Neutral people generally care about their own welfare. Evil people generally seek to harm the others’ welfare.

Lawful people generally follow the social rules as they understand them. Neutral people follow those rules [they] find convenient or obviously necessary. And chaotic people seek to upset the social order and either institute change, or simply create anarchy.

LAWFUL GOOD, “CRUSADER” The Boy Scout! Lawful Good people are saintly do-gooders who tend to get boners for honor and duty to a higher authority. EXAMPLES: Batman, Dick Tracy, and Indiana Jones.

NEUTRAL GOOD, “BENEFACTOR” Whereas Lawfuls follow a third-party code, Neutrals are bound by their own conscience. They will act altruistically, whether or not their actions are technically “legal.” EXAMPLES: Zorro and Spider-Man. I’d pitch The Doctor in this pile, but some Nerds would shout that he’s more the next one down, Chaotic Good.

EXAMPLES: Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica, Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly, and Robin Hood. My addition: Dexter Morgan.

The serial killer?!?!?!?

Boba Fett and Magneto.

Neither one of those are lawful or evil

Illustration +5 HTML +3 WordPress +4 Photoshop +5 Video editing +3 Crocheting +5 Negotiating +1 Communication +2

(my Xbox avatar is an Indian guy with a face mole and a leather vest).

Is that racist?

External forces trying to attack you in this world can be difficult enough. Don’t add to them by attacking yourself.

No one is conspiring against you.

Unless of course they are. These books never account for abuse.

Nerds, because they tend to tune in to their inner monologue more than regular folks, many times will assume the most selfish point of view.

Material wealth, for example, is a man-made concept. If you were to step back to the edge of the solar system, next to poor, downgraded Pluto, you would quickly see that it has no real positive or negative value in the universe. If you make shit-tons of money, just as one example, the Universe doesn’t really care one way or the other.

Do you want spiritual wealth? GREAT. Familial wealth? START MAKIN’ BABIES! You need to determine whatever it is that’s important to you before you can start tackling why you aren’t getting it.

if you’re not getting rejected a bunch, you may not be trying to innovate.

If you can believe you deserve good things and cultivate this skill of “putting yourself out there no matter what,” you will be ahead of 98 percent of the humans on this eroding rock.

Instead of screaming “WTF???” every time something lame happens, ask more effective questions of yourself. “Why do I suck?” is useless.

“What REALLY went wrong? How could I have made this better? Was the hitch an unforeseeable one? What can I learn from this to improve future iterations?”

BOMBING=GOOD

No human ever became interesting by not failing. The more you fail and recover and improve, the better you are as a person.