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I wished for us…and here we are. I hold him, I hold him, I just hold him, while everything around us burns. There’s no better way to go.
The worst moment was the look in Sydney’s eyes when she made the choice to end her life because she couldn’t bear the thought of living without me again. She made a conscious decision to die that night. To burn. For me.
So, I hold her. Every chance I get, I hold her, and I manage to stay afloat a little longer.
We’ll rise from the ashes with smoke in our lungs and scars on our skin, but we will persevere. We will thrive.
There’s a playful light in her eyes, and I decide that I’ll color one of the fireworks that exact same shade of blue. If the color doesn’t exist, I’ll simply have to create it.
My eyes dart to her confused face. “Why did you write that?” “What?” She blinks, her smile dimming. “What’s wrong?”
l o t u s “Syd, please tell me why you wrote this,” I plead, nearly choking on my words. “Why ‘lotus’? What does it mean?”
“Oliver, I–I didn’t…” Sydney shakes her head, a frown pinching her brow. “I didn’t write ‘lotus.’ I wrote…”
“Oh, my God…” she rasps out. “Oliver…I didn’t write ‘lotus.’ You were looking at it upside down.”
“What’s your wish?” I ask her. “I should write it down. Then it will definitely come true.” “So write it down.” Sydney sits up and reaches for her backpack, unzipping it and pulling a black Crayola...
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“What did you wish for?” “Us.” Before I can question her further, she is already skipping down the hill, waving goodbye. “Bye, Syd. See you tomorrow.”
All this time, it had been her. She was with me in that basement for twenty-two years in the form of a childhood wish.
Written on my arm in black ink, misconstrued and upside down, those letters manifested into the only true friend I had down in that hole. It created pages upon pages of stories and adventures, keeping me company, keeping me sane, keeping me alive for so many years.
“I don’t enjoy when other men put their eyes on you. It gives me violent thoughts.”
“I have never resented my twenty-twenty vision more than I do in this moment.”
