More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
I much prefer the monsters I create myself. I prefer them because I always win.
And Oliver Lynch rescued me. The man unable to even touch another human being just fought off my attacker without a second thought. “You saved my life.” My words are a hoarse whisper, my voice ragged from the screams. We sit across from each other on my bedroom floor, staring at one another through the cover of darkness, listening as the sirens grow closer. Oliver responds so softly, I almost don’t hear him. “I always save you.”
Sydney smiles, and this time it’s bright and familiar, forcing my heart to skip.
Our eyes meet with a lingering hold, and Sydney says, “She really likes you.” My lips pull up into a small smile, an instinctual reaction to her statement. I am liked. Sydney releases a quick gasp of air, the indigo glow of her eyes intensifying with wonder. “I don’t think I’ve seen you do that before,”
“I like when you do that,” I murmur softly, pointing at his mouth. “Consume food?” Good Lord. I can’t decide if his blunt intellect is more amusing or charming. I respond with a chuckle. “Smile.” “Oh.” Oliver nods knowingly, then swallows the rest of his bite. “I enjoy your smile as well. It makes me want to smile more.” Charming. One-hundred-percent charming.
“You were checking out my brother. Fucking weird.” “No, I wasn’t.” “You’re literally drooling on the nipple cakes.” I throw a handful of blueberries at him.
“What made you join in on the festivities? I didn’t think I’d see you all night.” Oliver’s gaze follows the bottle as it catches my mouth, his tongue poking out to slick his bottom lip. “I was listening to an assortment of songs you recommended, and it made me want to see you,” he replies softly. His focus trails over me with tender appreciation, and he adds, “You look lovely.”
“You know, do you think of anyone in particular?” Oliver’s head tilts slightly through a quizzical frown, visibly processing my query. “Are you referring to masturbation?” The heat engulfs me from toes to top. Jesus. I was not expecting that reply. At all. “Oh, um, I mean…” Holy hell, I feel like a blushing schoolgirl in the middle of sex ed class. I clear my throat. “Sure. I guess.” His eyes are ablaze as they sink into me, coasting over my curves, and he answers easily, “Sometimes I think of you.” It takes an astounding amount of effort to keep from blacking out. I feel my mouth go dry as a
...more
“You’re the least boring person I know.” “Lies are unbecoming of you, Syd,” I tease, still unable to meet her gaze. Her warm palm is wrapped around my arm, transmitting little tremors to my heart.
“I have a hard time believing someone could kiss you and regret it.” My tension dissipates in a flash, my walls collapsing at my feet, landing right beside the remnants of my heart.
“Have a good evening, Sydney.” Oliver nods a farewell, and it feels like a farewell, and I panic when he steps out the front door. My voice betrays me as one hand clamps around the doorframe, holding me back. “We’re okay, right?” He promised. Oliver spins toward me as he walks down my stony pathway, still pacing backwards across the lawn. “Of course.” My desperate smile is matched by his smile of concession. And as I clutch the lotus flower to my chest, I have no idea why that hurts so much.
“You two are honestly sickening.” Twisting around in my rolling chair, my eyes land on Gabe, who is leaning against my doorframe with his arms crossed, a decidedly amused grin on his face. I clear the tickle from my throat. “I’m a bit enamored by her,” I admit, though the revelation is far from shocking.
Gabe was happy-go-lucky, but I didn’t believe he was truly happy. The women, the alcohol, the drugs…they were all vices to temper his loneliness. Therefore, his opinion felt invalid to me. “I’ll think about it,” I told him, having no real intention of doing so. It may have been the first lie I ever told.
Sydney’s lips connect with the top of my head in a sweet kiss, her palm pressing to the side of my face, her floral scent, like rosebuds and wildflowers, devouring me. “You’re an amazing man, Oliver Lynch,” she breathes into my hair.
I’d returned to find all three of them reading in a circle in the middle of the living room, each girl leaning in to him, completely engrossed in his storytelling. Alexis was perched on his lap, oblivious to my return, which was unlike her. Oliver has a special presence about him, one that is both captivating and addicting.
Oliver glances up at me with wide eyes. “I think the beverage has been tampered with. We should alert the others.” More laughter, accompanied by a snort. “Oliver, that’s just the rum. It’s an alcohol-based eggnog.” God, the look on his face as he processes my response. Relief, humor, a hint of embarrassment. Nothing, no one, touches my heart the way Oliver Lynch does.
“Poppy seemed very taken with you today, Oliver,” Clementine states over the low hum of radio music. “You have a sweet disposition with the little ones.” The compliment touches me. For a good portion of the evening, I was in high demand among the assortment of young cousins and the two Labrador retrievers that resided in the home. It was a pleasant feeling to be favored. “Thank you,” I say. “She’s lovely. We had a nice time reading together during our last visit.”
“Why do you associate attachment with suffering and loss?” I’m openly crying into my palm, shaking my head. “God, who hurt you, Sydney?” “You did!” I shriek, unplanned and untethered, my hysteria bubbling over. “Something inside of me fucking died the day I lost you!”
overgrown hair while he fidgets a few feet away. He’s uncomfortable with genuine emotion, much like Sydney. But he tries with me, and I appreciate that.
I miss you. So much. I’m not mad at you, not at all, not ever. Please, let’s talk. I’m working at the club tonight, but hopefully you have some free time tomorrow. xoxo, Syd
“Oh, um, this strawberry creation looks rather good. It comes with a little fruit medley.” His eyes twinkle with authentic joy. Over a fruit skewer. “God, I love you.” The three words tumble off my tongue, unexpected, spontaneous—a potent proclamation. A weight that sinks me, sinks me, until I’m swallowed whole, struggling for air.
Sydney loves me. And I love her, so entirely, so painfully… I always have. I tell her in the way I hold her, in the way I look at her, in the way I say her name. She is my favorite part of me.
She pauses, momentarily entranced by the breakfast. “It’s shaped like a heart.” “Yes,” I concur, inching my way closer until we’re shoulder to shoulder. “Do you like it?” In a flash, her plate is set aside, her arms encasing my neck with an eager embrace, and we both fall to the mattress as she buries her face into my neck. “You’re the sweetest man. I don’t deserve you.”
“I remember her,” I whisper softly. Dr. Malloy nods, discarding her notebook beside her on a small table. “Your mother.” “Yes.” My throat feels tight and ragged, stinging with remorse. “I–I think I’m done here. With these sessions, I mean.” She nods again. “I’m not certain I desire anymore answers. I feel at peace with the memories I’ve recovered,” I explain, licking my lips and tasting the salty tears that gathered there. “The hole I felt has been filled. She was all I was looking for.”
