Lotus

by Jennifer Hartmann

To the lost and the wandering— You will find your way.

“Always Sunny marathon tonight?”

cultured👏

The lotus flower is an emblem for rebirth in an assortment of cultures, as well as eastern religions. It has attributes that correlate perfectly to the human condition: the lotus will bloom into the most magnificent flower, even when its roots are in the murkiest of waters.

Maybe my expectations live between the pages of books involving heroes with ten-inch schlongs and magical tongues, performing grandeur gestures to sweep their heroines off their feet.

“I enjoy your smile as well. It makes me want to smile more.”

“I was listening to an assortment of songs you recommended, and it made me want to see you,” he replies softly. His focus trails over me with tender appreciation, and he adds, “You look lovely.”

His eyes are ablaze as they sink into me, coasting over my curves, and he answers easily, “Sometimes I think of you.”

“There is beauty to be found everywhere…even in the things that scare us.”

Goodness, she’s endearing.

complicated species prone to self-sabotage, baseless insecurities, and the notion that there’s always something better around the corner. We’re constantly chasing imaginary destinations, thinking we’re missing out, wanting more. We’re never truly present.”

my hand finds its way to the contour of her hip, holding her almost possessively.

I’m inclined to taste her further, deeper, entirely.

“Because we’re friends. That was…practice, remember? A one-time thing, for research purposes only.” “But I enjoyed it immensely.”

“I have a hard time believing someone could kiss you and regret it.”

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you. You have all the power.”

“Everything is eventful with you.” Swoon.

Sydney laughs at her own joke, lassoing my heart in the process.

“I’m a bit enamored by her,”

I decide in that moment, that if I could re-create even one of those scenes from her book, I would die a happy man.

I already feel shredded, and it’s only been one kiss.

There’s no denying the pull between us, or the sparks that flicker and scald like tiny embers when our eyes collide, ocean on sunset.

“Adapting and thriving are two very different things.”

“But not all love is meant to stay. Sometimes it only serves a temporary purpose.”

“There’s nothing you could do that would ever make me hate you, Syd. Nothing.” Oliver trails his knuckles along my jaw, pulling a sigh from us both. “Please know that.”

Oliver has a special presence about him, one that is both captivating and addicting.

I’ve seen him look at me in a thousand different ways, but this is something new. I’m being bathed in a lethal mix of adoration, awe, and knee-buckling desire.

“You hypnotize me,” he whispers in a ragged, fervent breath,

it’s hard to be entirely focused when the woman I adore is melted into me like she simply belongs there.

“You’re going to lose me by trying too hard not to lose me, Syd.”

I AM UNWELL

“You don’t ever forget. That ache never goes away. You just…adjust. You adjust to the void and rebuild your life around that missing piece, hoping something will come along one day and distract you just enough, that your pain abates…even if it’s only for a little while.”

“You heal me. Every day you put another piece of me back together,”

The truth is, I didn’t have a heart to give. My heart was with a ghost.

“I appreciate your concern, but I’m very fond of this one fish in particular.”

Oliver’s sunset stare never drifting from my slack-jawed face.

The muscles in his arms flex, his eyes flaring with gold flames as he reacts to my blatant awareness of him. It feels like a shot of adrenaline and whiskey to my blood.

“I couldn’t wait until tomorrow.”

“God, I love you.”

They’re dancing like fools without a care in the world. They clearly have the worst moves out of everyone on the dance floor—but they also have the biggest smiles, and that’s what counts.

He’s so cute.

Oliver is dimpled and doe-eyed. I look around for his cupid’s arrow, but I can’t seem to find it—it’s probably already lodged inside my heart.

But Oliver’s smile only swells as he lowers my cheek to his chest, his palm still cradling the back of my head like I am cherished—like I am his missing piece. “Nothing worth holding is ever too hard.”

“You make me feel like I’m…someone.”

“I’m right here, with you, and I’m still holding on to your heart. Please don’t ask me to give it back.”

When I hold him at arm’s length, it’s so much easier to keep his heart safe and protected.

“I ache for you, Sydney,” Oliver rasps,

“I crave to be inside you more than I craved freedom in all of those twenty-two years combined.”

And I love her, so entirely, so painfully… I always have. I tell her in the way I hold her, in the way I look at her, in the way I say her name. She is my favorite part of me.

I go about fixing breakfast, a heart-shaped omelet with a side of fresh strawberries and bananas, and a serving of hash browns.

HEART SHAPED OMFG

“You’re beautiful, Syd.”

“You always deserve what is meant for you, and if anything is meant to be, it’s us,”