Divine Might: Goddesses in Greek Myth

by Natalie Haynes

Firstly, the plot of Xanadu is pretty thin. This is by no means enough to sink a musical: Cats has no discernible plot at all, yet it played on stages around the world for decades, generating billions of dollars.

Hera arrives at the peak of Mount Ida, near Troy, wearing all her finery, primped for action. Her efforts pay off instantly. I have never wanted anyone more, says Zeus. Not a goddess, nor a woman.27 So far, so charming. Not the wife of Ixion, he continues, who gave birth to my son Perithoös. Not Danaë, who bore Perseus. Nor the daughter of Phoenix, who gave me a couple more sons. Not Semele (mother of Dionysus) or Alcmene (mother of Heracles). Not Demeter (mother of Persephone), nor Leto (mother of Artemis and Apollo). I didn’t want any of them as much as I want you. I would hesitate to offer anyone relationship advice, but just in case you need it: this is an absolutely catastrophic way to compliment anyone and I urge you never to do it, even if it sounds fine in your head. It is not fine. No wonder Hera’s wrath is triggered by the loss of a golden apple when Paris decides Aphrodite is prettier. How many times can one woman be made to feel like she has come second in a man’s estimation?

At this point in his life, Teiresias has lived as both a man and a woman: his male-to-female change occurs after he sees snakes mating near Mount Cyllene. At a later date, Teiresias catches sight of another pair of snakes going at it, and this turns him back into a man. Unexpected snake sex obviously has hormonal effects that science has yet to uncover.

Her status depends on her husband – whose wandering eye is of literally mythical proportions

And she asked the god about a husband and the god replied, no need of a husband for you, Atalanta. Avoid the very idea of husbands!31 The Latin here reads fuge coniugis usum – flee the use of a husband – which I may yet have as a tattoo. Although I’d have to be sure to stop before the next line, where the oracle has bad news: though you won’t escape, you’ll keep your life but lose yourself.

If Hestia is often overlooked in the great narratives of Greek myth because she’s almost taken for granted as sitting quietly at home, then Vesta is rather more visible. Not least in Pompeii, where numerous shrines to Vesta have been discovered in bakeries. Just when you thought you couldn’t like her more, this versatile goddess turns out to be the patron saint of carbs.

Worship of Vesta continued until 394 CE, when her sacred flame was finally extinguished. Christianity was now the official religion of the Roman empire, and a goddess who was practically invisible, virtually omnipresent, and whose acolytes had performed miracles including giving birth to the sons of a god must have seemed too pagan and old-fashioned for the new monotheism.

Athene turns her attention to Arachne because she has heard that Arachne doesn’t yield to Athene in praise for her skill at weaving. It’s an odd construction in English, but it just means that when someone praises Arachne for her weaving talents, she says Thanks very much instead of the more appropriate (in Athene’s eyes), Oh, this old thing, it’s just a rag, really, you should save your praise for the goddess Athene, she’s the one who can weave.

If we have learned nothing else from myths, folklore, and fairy tales, we should at least know this. If an old woman approaches you and asks for anything, or suggests anything, you always, always say yes, and thank you very much for asking. There is an almost zero chance that she is an actual old lady and not a goddess, a witch, or an enchantress in disguise. You either change your offending behaviour immediately or – and this is the best-case scenario – you find yourself stuck in a castle full of singing furniture, with one erratic houseplant your only hope of salvation.

Oh, does Zeus prefer fathers? The Furies are astonished. Didn’t he bind his own father, aged Kronos? Doesn’t that imply the opposite of what you’re saying? I hope you’re listening, jurors.21 Apollo behaves in the time-honoured way of powerful men being contradicted by women to whom they aren’t attracted: You all-hateful monsters, loathed by the gods! Zeus could untie his father, but once a mortal man is dead he can’t be brought back to life.