There Is Room for All of You Here

by Michaela Angemeer

you know the only thing i like more than hating men is male validation

they’d rather hold hands with the patriarchy

all of my crushes are in relationships i only want stability when it’s holding up someone else

was it codependency or was i in love

if i’m the only one trying how do we heal the bonds between us

do we accept the love we think we deserve or do we accept the love we were taught we deserved

it’s too bad they taught me how to please everyone but myself

the only difference is now i get to be angry and i think part of me always will be

why do i have to make my anger agreeable like i'm not allowed to be mad unless i immediately tie it up in a bow

when you spend your whole life doing things you don’t want to do it’s hard to stop

can’t someone be consistent for once can’t one person stick to their word not make me second guess or double check i’m not asking for much just don’t say you’ll be there if you have no plan to

just when i thought i got used to everyone leaving more people are planning their departures and i can’t do another goodbye instead i’m waiting at arrivals for the next friend who feels like family the next person i’ll love the person i’ll become now that you’re gone

date yourself. affirm yourself the way you would want a partner to. hug yourself when you cry. listen to yourself. ask the questions you’re afraid to answer. reassure yourself. trust yourself. plan solo trips and go on them. celebrate friendships and chosen family more than you ever have. buy yourself a birthday present for the first time. flowers for no reason. romanticize everything you do by yourself. teach yourself how you want to be loved, and how deserving you are of it.

i refuse to believe that i don’t get to choose how i’m loved

i hope you know that being open to love again after giving up on it is one of the greatest acts of bravery. even though you’re terrified, you are so courageous. i know vulnerability feels like prying your chest open with scarred palms, but what if it’s worth it? what if you find someone just as soft as you. what if you find someone who knows you don’t deserve to be discarded. what if being seen becomes effortless. what if feeling doesn’t have to hurt. what if they make everything you’ve been through worth it. what if they teach you how to love again.

is finding someone that scary is falling that terrifying if all you have to gain is love and even if you lose it you’ll be left just as whole as you were with a new appreciation for how someone else can love you like you love you

when it was cloudy for six days straight you were the sun

i’ve been by myself for so long that when i feel off balance it’s instinctual to push you away but i don’t want you to leave i need you to stay

i wanna see you every minute of every day but i also wanna be alone

tell me there's beauty in the journey tell me i don't have to worry about the destination

maybe we’re not doomed we just need to eat a vegetable sit with the sun on our face call a friend take a walk or a deep breath hold someone’s hand drink a glass of water smell a freshly cut flower take a shower maybe there’s nothing to be afraid of anymore

i'd rather love you like i mean it than be too scared to try

one day you’ll wake up and realize that all the work you did was worth it.

telling every little piece of yourself you’ve ever been ashamed of that it deserves love too.

you’ll be able to love in a way you neve...

you’ll have your first love where loving them doesn’t mean loving yourself less. you’ll have your first love where loving them means loving yourself even more.

you deserve a count on me love. a coffee in the morning love. a makes you playlists kind of love. a play with your hair while you fall asleep kind of love. a call into work cause they don’t want to leave you kind of love. a stay in bed all day kind of love. a spontaneous gift cause it reminds them of you kind of love. a smiles at you for no reason kind of love. a bring you cookies when you have cramps kind of love. an understanding love. a love that wants to grow with you. a love that sees your unwashed hair, your crusty morning eyes, your overthinking, a love that loves you even more because of it. you deserve an unconditional love. a love that makes you feel safe.

our love is late night kisses. eyes locked. movie dates. baking brownies. licking the spoon. our love is cut up strawberries. the first spring bloom. our love is a blanket that covers your shoulders. your hand on my knee. flowers just because. our love is sleepy sundays. my nose in your hair. our love is kinetic. our love has a pulse. our love is honey. lavender. silk. our love is warm. our love is soft. our love is endless. our love is ours.

what an overwhelming joy it is to find your person after not having one for so long

in my sweatpants era. in my chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast era. in my different nail designs on each hand era. in my middle part era. in my mochas with oat milk era. in my moving my body for no reason other than that it feels good era. in my things can work out better than i imagined even if it's not what i planned era. in my maybe i can grow into a greater version of me without worrying about doing it perfectly era. in my surrendering era. in my soft era. in my i know who is safe to let in era. in my self-trust era. in my letting myself be cared for era. in my realizing how much love exists in the universe era. in my lover era.

i hope you create moments for yourself in every day. i hope you take deep breaths of fresh air. i hope you remind yourself you’re alive. i hope you love. i hope you realize there are so many things in this life to be in love with. i hope you cherish yourself as much as your relationships. i hope you don’t treat love like it’s a secret. i hope you shout it from the rooftops. i hope you witness all the parts of yourself. i hope you hug your inner child as often as you can. i hope you remember that your purpose in life is to enjoy living. i hope you know that being yourself is enough. i hope you say no to the things that want to hold you back. i hope you feel free. and most of all, i hope you find peace.