There Is Room for All of You Here

by Michaela Angemeer

i keep confusing feeling understood with someone understanding how to manipulate me

i would be more upset that you forgot about me if i didn’t forget about me too

my short term memory’s fried but i can still tell you everyone who wronged me as a child

do we accept the love we think we deserve or do we accept the love we were taught we deserved

why do i have to make my anger agreeable like i'm not allowed to be mad unless i immediately tie it up in a bow

when you spend your whole life doing things you don’t want to do it’s hard to stop

date yourself. affirm yourself the way you would want a partner to. hug yourself when you cry. listen to yourself. ask the questions you’re afraid to answer. reassure yourself. trust yourself. plan solo trips and go on them. celebrate friendships and chosen family more than you ever have. buy yourself a birthday present for the first time. flowers for no reason. romanticize everything you do by yourself. teach yourself how you want to be loved, and how deserving you are of it.

i hope you know that being open to love again after giving up on it is one of the greatest acts of bravery. even though you’re terrified, you are so courageous. i know vulnerability feels like prying your chest open with scarred palms, but what if it’s worth it? what if you find someone just as soft as you. what if you find someone who knows you don’t deserve to be discarded. what if being seen becomes effortless. what if feeling doesn’t have to hurt. what if they make everything you’ve been through worth it. what if they teach you how to love again.

i’ve been by myself for so long that when i feel off balance it’s instinctual to push you away but i don’t want you to leave i need you to stay

maybe we’re not doomed we just need to eat a vegetable sit with the sun on our face call a friend take a walk or a deep breath hold someone’s hand drink a glass of water smell a freshly cut flower take a shower maybe there’s nothing to be afraid of anymore

i can’t explain where all my love for you came from it’s as if we once raised a child baby fingers gripping pinkies or died together on a bed of daisies it’s as if i were the sun and you were the moon always convincing each other the next day was worth rising for and when i was too caught up in being the ocean you never forgot to remind me what it feels like to burn i can’t believe we finally collided in this century cause i am certain i have loved you in more than a thousand different lifetimes