There Is Room for All of You Here

by Michaela Angemeer

you know the only thing i like more than hating men is male validation

i keep confusing feeling understood with someone understanding how to manipulate me

making my sadness palatable has become second nature minimizing it like it’s not there all the time hiding with a smile even when i’m the only one there to see it

if i’m the only one trying how do we heal the bonds between us

i’m grieving my father but he’s still alive and i don’t know if i’ll have any feelings left when he dies

do we accept the love we think we deserve or do we accept the love we were taught we deserved

no i don’t know how it feels to grow up feeling safe

good morning always laced with landmines

you can still see shrapnel in my smile can still hear eggshells when i walk

why do i have to make my anger agreeable like i'm not allowed to be mad unless i immediately tie it up in a bow

i’m not asking for much just don’t say you’ll be there if you have no plan to

just when i thought i got used to everyone leaving more people are planning their departures and i can’t do another goodbye instead i’m waiting at arrivals for the next friend who feels like family the next person i’ll love the person i’ll become now that you’re gone

date yourself. affirm yourself the way you would want a partner to. hug yourself when you cry. listen to yourself. ask the questions you’re afraid to answer. reassure yourself. trust yourself. plan solo trips and go on them. celebrate friendships and chosen family more than you ever have. buy yourself a birthday present for the first time. flowers for no reason. romanticize everything you do by yourself. teach yourself how you want to be loved, and how deserving you are of it.

i hope you know that being open to love again after giving up on it is one of the greatest acts of bravery. even though you’re terrified, you are so courageous. i know vulnerability feels like prying your chest open with scarred palms, but what if it’s worth it? what if you find someone just as soft as you. what if you find someone who knows you don’t deserve to be discarded. what if being seen becomes effortless. what if feeling doesn’t have to hurt. what if they make everything you’ve been through worth it. what if they teach you how to love again.

The other "what if's" anxiety does not let us talk about.

i don’t wanna move too fast but do you want to love me

Ooooof

where is the line between advocating for myself and trying to control someone else

one day you’ll wake up and realize that all the work you did was worth it.

look at how you’ve grown even without the sun

you deserve an unconditional love. a love that makes you feel safe.

it’s as if i were the sun and you were the moon always convincing each other the next day was worth rising for

Me and my sister <3 my ally cat

i hope you hug your inner child as often as you can. i hope you remember that your purpose in life is to enjoy living. i hope you know that being yourself is enough.