My life was going to end without any kind of hope or future, and everything that I’d lived through would be for nothing. I’d never get free. I’d never get what I wanted, what I strived for, what I wanted to believe I deserved. None of it was going to come true. I’d never see the rest of the country, the world, or the other ocean. I wouldn’t get to do something that made me proud, and I’d never get to feel hope for a measly future that might have happened with Maddox.
As he's dying, Devon is suddenly getting a lot of clarity about what he wants in life - it's almost like once he knows he'll never be his dad, he can suddenly stop worrying (obviously he'll relapse once this is over, but it's good to know that there are things he wants, even if he doesn't think that he'll ever get them)
