Why did I always go after a chick knowing he’d been with her? Why did the idea of that chick entice me more than actually being with her? Why hadn’t I slept with Julie when she threw herself at me? Why hadn’t I hooked up with anyone in months? Just to fuck with him? Just to show him I could take what he owned? Some other reason my brain didn’t want to allow me to process?
Devon is beginning to think through his feelings for Maddox and knows that he feels more than just hatred towards him - once again, as this challenges his status quo, he wants to reject it. It's possible that his brain won't allow him to process his feelings, and yet the more he thinks about Maddox, the more clear it's becoming that he knows the truth but is unwilling to admit it to himself.
