I Hope This Doesn’t Find You

by Ann Liang

You’re attention starved and self-obsessed and unbearably vain and you wear your cynicism like a crown;

DAMN LET HIM BREATHE GODDAMN

but I bet you spend entire hours of your morning styling it with a tiny comb so that the one singular strand falls over your left eye at the perfect angle.

your hair appear deceptively soft when I’m sure it’s not,

the hole ur digging

are a few others written for classmates and teachers who’ve made my life especially difficult in the past.

I wonder how this is gonna end ....

“There were forty-two emails addressed to me. The earliest dated back to nine years ago.”

id have to kms its the only solution like wdym yoyve been obsessed w me for nine years

“From what I recall, you wrote two whole paragraphs protesting the color of my eyes,”

GIRL RUN AWAY

I don’t deserve to be so pretty. My

OH DEATH IS THE ONLY OPTION

you can’t hold it for long without being overwhelmed.”

ILL KMS IN FRONT OF U

“You said it makes it difficult for you to concentrate in class.”

the grave is dug

“You then wrote three hundred words ranting about my hands.”

lying down

He flexes his long fingers, examining them carefully. “I had no idea you paid such close attention to the way I held my pen or gripped the violin bow or how I looked when I was answering something on the board.”

shovel in the dirt

“I think you’re obsessed with me, Sadie Wen.”

IN MY CASKET DIRT OVER ME HERE LIES REESE

lier,

GIRL ITS LIAR

stickre????

girl collect urself

eight years old

GIRL YOU WERE OVSESSED W HIM AT EIGHT

That would be fun, but even then, that wouldn’t be enough

SO ID CALL THE COPS U FREAK

“I would like to make a general announcement that if, for some reason, you take issue with a grade that I have given you in the past, you can discuss it with me in a civil manner.”

UR SO DEADDDD

How unreasonable do you have to be to deny a student even that? It’s basic math.

DAMNNNNN LET HER BREATHEEE

“This is a quote from the text.”

wait shes cooking i am her

I found out Ms. Johnson was the one who wrote all the model essays she handed out to us.

Forget a sinkhole, I think grimly as I snap my laptop shut again, turning my eyes to the high ceiling. Just let the building collapse on top of me instead.

He cocks his head. Smiles with his lips but not his eyes. “And yet it’s clear I’m all you ever think about.”

“Choke me, the way you fantasized about in your email?”

“Protecting my skin. I have very nice hands—as you have already observed in the past. It would be a shame to ruin them.”

lunge for the hose again, but he holds it up high over his head, out of reach. Taunting me.

“Well,” Julius says from behind me, “it’s a very uninspired choice of words. Such a basic pejorative denotes low intelligence.”

Then he brings it down hard over the brick and begins scrubbing, using so much force the muscles in his shoulders flex beneath his damp shirt. Unlike his previous attempt, he erases all the marker in one go. “Done,” he says, letting his arm fall back to his side. “Simple as that.”

Someone he needs to find.

ITA GIVING WHO HURT YOU

His entire left eye is swollen shut, the skin around it a vivid purplish-blue. The bruise wasn’t there yesterday afternoon.

THATS MY MANS HANDIWORK MHMMM

my gaze falls on his knuckles. They’re split open and raw red.

im gonna kiss you

flush spreading up the smooth skin of his neck.

“Have a horrible rest of your day. Oh, and also

im going to kiss you.

“I hope, um, you miss the train home and . .

“I hope you find that you have no clean plates left for dinner,”

“I think it’s fairly safe to say we won’t be interviewing her,” Julius remarks as he sets the phone down.

“Oh, I know you. You’re the other captain, right? My little brother talks about you all the time.”

YES YES YES YES

“My mother didn’t think it was fair for us to both take my father’s last name,” he says with a shrug. “So when I was born, she gave me hers.”

“You know how happy I always am to help you out with your cute school projects, even when my schedule is packed.”

oh so hes an ass

“Oh, you know. When you beat him in that biology test last month he wouldn’t shut up about it for days

“And he’s always going on about how intimidatingly smart you are. How hard he has to work to keep up with you.”

KICKING MY FEET

he’d sent me an incredibly difficult equation from some kind of advanced university paper as a challenge. I’d solved it just to spite him, and dug through all the papers available online to find something even trickier, and sent that back. We’d then fallen into the habit of exchanging questions every morning. We never said anything else. Just the screenshot and the answer. One blow traded for another. He would respond each time without fail, and we’d kept it up all the way until school started again.

His real smiles are so rare that each one feels like a miracle, like you’ve won something.

He hesitates. Runs a slow, self-conscious hand through his hair. “Do they . . . really look bad? My clothes, I mean.”

HONEY :(

For the briefest second, he looks back at me.

Julius touches a finger to his lips like he can’t quite believe it either.

“What about this, then?” I challenge, and before he can reply, I grab the collar of his shirt and pull him to me.

letting my fingers slide up his neck, curl into his hair.

“It was at camp, wasn’t it? One of those outdoor adventure camps?”

WHY ARE U SO NOSY

He simply rolls up his sleeves and starts smoothing out the cushions on the couch.

my dad and I would always get this sour stir-fried chicken dish. They only make it in servings of two, so now . . . now I never order it. Because I don’t have anyone to share it with.”