Until Tomorrow Comes

by Mikayla Christy

Just when a caterpillar thinks its life is over, they change into something magnificent.

When we met two years ago, I thought he was the sweetest man I’d ever encountered. He charmed, wooed, and swept me off my feet so quickly that I didn’t even have time to think. He proposed after six months, at a beautiful gala that his family hosts every year. It was the first time my family and I had been to such an extravagant event. And when Zack got down on one knee, I immediately found my parents in the crowd. My mom was tearing up as she latched onto my father, who for once, looked as if he was proud of me. I said yes without thinking twice.

Regardless of my evening being hijacked, I still wanted my brother to be there. So despite Zack’s hatred for Alan, I sent him an invitation. Unfortunately, that’s how the night ended in a huge fight between us all. I stepped out into the hallway, intent on finding Alan and begging him to get along with Zack for my sake. Instead, I found him already yelling at our parents for how selfish they were and accusing them of being blinded by the glamorous life they now had. What I heard my brother say that night has been burned into the back of my mind ever since.

“Zack is poison to her. He’s got you all fooled with this good guy act, when really him and his entire family, are shady as fuck. Your heads are so far up their asses that you don’t see they’re using you all. And Kat is going to be the one to pay the consequences. But apparently you’re fine with using your daughter as part of a fucking business deal.”

I remember Alan turning to glare at me in disappointment. “You know better than this, Kat. You’re not this stupid.” That was the last thing my brother said to me before he stormed off. I hadn’t spoken to him since.

It only got worse from there. I didn’t even realize how detached and numb to the pain I had become. Until yesterday, my twenty-sixth birthday. My husband slammed the door behind him as he headed out into the February snow and left me in the painful silence of our home. Without even saying “Happy Birthday.” That’s when I realized that no one even remembered what day it was. There was no phone call from Mom or Dad, and there wasn’t even a text from my brother. It was the first time in my life that Alan hadn’t called me on my birthday. That hurt more than anything Zack had ever said or done.

That’s when I’m finally able to put it together that the shouting and pounding on my door is from Alan. He came. The sound of glass breaking causes me to flinch. I hear the door opening, and his panicked voice calling out for me again as he steps into the room. I want to cover myself, the ache to hide this from him mixing with the physical pain radiating through every inch of my body. Alan had been right all along. I had been stupid. Zack wasn’t good for me. He was poison. I should’ve taken it slower with Zack. I should’ve listened to Alan’s warnings. I should’ve left the first time Zack hurt me. But I didn’t. And here I am, my broken body lying helplessly in the wreckage of the life I should’ve had… caused by the very person I thought loved me.

There was no anger or hate, it was simply the fact that life was kicking my ass. When we returned from our last deployment, both our personal lives were a wreck. There was shit to figure out, and the silence was inevitable. Perhaps that’s why I only have a handful of friends that have survived the years. I’ve learned that sometimes in adult friendships, lulls happen. It doesn’t make the relationship any less significant, they just happen. Yet so many people expect you to drop everything and take on their burdens, while ignoring the fact that you have shit going on too.

Where am I? Against all odds, I finally force my eyes open, the blinding light making my head hurt as I take in the white ceiling tiles above me. Slowly, I let my eyes adjust before glancing around the room. That’s when I realize the source of the steady beeping; a heart monitor. I’m at the hospital. Like a tsunami wave, I’m immediately hit with an even more horrifying realization. I remember the sound of the plaster on the wall cracking when he slammed me into it. I remember the crunch of my ribs as he kicked them. That wasn’t a dream. None of it was a dream.

“Thank you.” My voice is barely above a whisper. Watching him silently stare at our hands intertwined, my body starts to tremble. Finally, he shakes his head. “There was a moment, after I found you, that I thought I lost you, Kat.” He whispers painfully. As my brother’s eyes find mine, my breath catches in my throat and my heart shatters. “I’m so sorry…” But the words die on my tongue. The anger in my brother’s eyes suddenly blurs with the memory of another set of furious eyes glaring at me. Zack’s eyes.

My parents love the notoriety and prestige life that my relationship with Zack has given them. Now, it’s clear that they are only focused on preserving it. Their only worry is what this means for them. I can’t look at either of them as Alan forces them out of the room and threatens to call security if they come back. “I just want to do what’s best for her!” I hear my father say. “You want to do what’s best for her?” Alan asks with a low, dark chuckle before pointing at me. “Then look at your daughter. She is in a hospital bed because you, as her father, didn’t do your job to keep her safe. You’re only here because you want to smooth things over and make sure that you keep your fucking status. You both have been turning a blind eye to what’s been happening to Kat out of fucking fear for what that damn group of rich assholes might think or say.” He sucks in a deep breath, closing his eyes as he pinches the brim of his nose. Then he turns his glare to Mom as she cowers behind Dad. “You haven’t even asked about the worst of her injuries. Or any of the other damage that asshole did. You ignored what was right in front of you and let him shove her into the shadows.” He grips the door hard enough that his knuckles turn white. “I’m here, and unlike the two of you, I will make sure she is safe and healthy. Leave. Now.” Just before he shuts the door, he pauses. Opening it back up, he calls after my parents. “And if you know where the fucker is, you better tell the police. Because if...

The room falls silent, as his words seep in. My heart slowly shatters a bit more as I think back over everything that has happened since the day I met Zack. My dad had introduced us after he met Zack at a business conference. The pair of them hit it off instantly, and the very next day he invited Zack over for dinner at our house. From that night on, if I ever saw them without bringing Zack, it was as if I had offended them. Once they met his parents, our families began doing everything together and the rest was history. I was so caught up with the thrill of having Zack’s attention, that I didn’t even realize how often I was ignored, or the walls that were slowly shutting me off from everyone around me. No one even noticed when the last brick slotted into place, with me behind it. Or maybe they did, and they just didn’t care.

She chews her bottom lip for a moment longer. Without thinking, I step forward and open my arms. Her features soften and she wraps her arms around me. After a long moment, that is definitely more for her than me, she pulls away. Placing both hands lightly on my shoulders, she looks me dead in the eyes. “It’s not going to be easy, there’s going to be a lot of rough days ahead. But when all else fails, remind yourself of one thing. You got out.” Her voice breaks off and my breath catches in my throat as I meet Cori’s gaze.

The incident three nights ago was simply the tipping point. Considering my college thesis was centered around the negative effects on the body when repressing emotions, it’s almost shocking how much I have kept to myself. A manic laugh slips out as I continue to stare at the stitches above my eye. “I knew better. I always said that I would never be in this position, that I would never allow something like this to happen to me.” My gaze tracks the next tear that slips down my face. There’s no point in wiping it away yet, not when I can feel others about to break free. Massaging the ache in my chest, I continue. “Hell, I broke up with a guy in college because he tried telling me what I could and couldn’t wear! Yet this time I didn’t even realize I was falling down the rabbit hole until I landed flat on my face at the bottom.”

“How are you doing with everything that happened?” Jackson questions, and I’m grateful he asked. Even when I tried to ask Alan how he was, he shrugged it off and focused on nitpicking over me. Briefly, I wonder if Alan is going to answer and when he does, my heart drops to my stomach at his words. “We’ve seen and done a lot of fucked up shit, but seeing Kat like that?” Alan scoffs. “It was the worst moment of my life. If I’ve learned anything from this past week, it’s that I can’t lose her. She’s the one good thing that came out of this family. I won’t lose my sister.” I hold my breath, despite my ribs screaming in agony for me to give them relief.

After enduring my husband’s abuse for the past year, I’d become convinced that I was only an inconvenience or an embarrassment. Zack had twisted my view on everything so thoroughly that I believed I was at fault and deserved it. I thought that I was honestly doing the right thing by staying silent. Maybe it was my fault. Worrying about how Alan would feel if anything happened to me was never something that crossed my mind. I had been too caught up in doing my best to keep the peace with my husband and to not let anyone know just how bad things were getting behind closed doors. No. It couldn’t have all been my fault. I did all I could to keep him happy, to make it so he had nothing at home to worry about and that I fit the mold of the “perfect wife.”

“No, this is all she…” Alan trails off, clearing his throat before continuing. “Has. This is all she has.” I can only stare back at him. Just as the reason dawns on me, Kat speaks up from behind Alan. “What my brother is trying not to say, is that this is everything I was able to pack before my soon-to-be ex-husband put me in the hospital. Thankfully, Alan grabbed the suitcases before the ambulance took me away.”

Blindly, I walk to the kitchen, my thoughts still stuck on Kat and how she was forced to leave her entire life behind. Leaving your home with nothing more than a couple bags is a feeling I know all too well. The heavy ache that settles after making the decision to walk away is not something I would wish on anyone. No matter how much they hurt you, physically or emotionally, it still hurts like hell when the life you built with the person you loved, who claimed to love you back, goes up in flames.

“He’s going to find me.” Dread settles like a heavy weight in my stomach as I speak the words out loud. The one time I threatened to leave him, he warned me that I would never escape. Zack’s voice echoes through my mind, paralyzing me where I stand. I will find you, wherever you think you can escape to, it won’t be far enough. You’re mine. No one could keep you from me. Who would want you? Only me. The edges of my vision start to blur, my breath catching in my throat. Trying to leave was stupid. It’s only going to anger him further. He’s not going to give up, and when he finds me, the punishment will be the worst it’s ever been. I know he won’t kill me, because he’ll need me alive to clear his name. But after that, there will be hell to pay for embarrassing him.

“Or maybe the house in the Hamptons.” From the corner of my eye, I see him turn toward me again and can practically feel him raise his eyebrow at me. I roll my eyes, shaking my head and refusing to meet his gaze as I answer his unspoken question. “We bought it last year,” I sigh. “And before you ask—yes, it’s one of those over-the-top mansions that makes zero sense for two people. Yes, I tried convincing him to go for the smaller house. No, I did not join the country club there.” Finally I turn to face him with a smirk. “But yes, being there for the summer was almost like being in an episode of Gossip Girl minus the teenage angst.” Despite everything else going on, Alan barks out a loud, contagious laugh. At first the sound causes me to jump, but after a few seconds I’m laughing along with him. Gossip Girl was our thing.

I knew he wouldn’t be staying long, but less than twenty-four hours seems quick. Alan sighs, dragging a hand along his jaw. “Because something tells me the fucker isn’t going to make it easy to find him, and I don’t want the police report to get buried. I want to be close by to make sure his money or influence doesn’t help him weasel his way out of this.” He turns to face me, and his stony expression makes my blood run cold. “He’s not going to get away with this, Kat. I don’t give a fuck who the rich prick thinks he is. No one has any right to do this shit, least of all to my baby sister.”

“I let him get between us once, I’m never letting that happen again. And you better believe I’m going to make sure that fucker gets what’s coming for him.” The conviction in his voice gives me chills as I turn to look at him. His jaw is clenched, as is his fist, which is so tight his knuckles are turning white. Something I overheard Jackson say earlier plays through my mind and my brows scrunch together. “And by that you mean helping to find him so the cops can arrest him, right?” I ask quietly. He doesn’t answer me right away, and his jaw ticks before he lets out a deep exhale. “Yeah,” He huffs. “Exactly that.” I pull away from him, watching him carefully. “Alan.” I say firmly. “Don’t do anything stupid. Just let the cops do their jobs, and lock him up.”

When I come back to the bed I pick up the tablet and set it back on the nightstand. Just as I’m about to lower myself to sit on the ground beside the bed, Kat speaks up. “What are you doing?” “I was gonna…” I say, motioning to the floor. “No! You can…” She trails off, motioning to the bed, and shuffling to one side to make room for me. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” I whisper. “Well, after what you just witnessed, I’m not convinced that you didn’t catch a nip slip. Compared to that, nothing you do could make me uncomfortable.” She half jokes, and it feels good to hear the small chuckle escape her lips.

Since I already use the grounding method when fighting off a panic attack, where I focus on my surroundings using my five senses, she also suggested a few breathing exercises. Considering I majored in psychology, I knew all of this. Yet it took being told by a stranger to remember them. Life is funny like that sometimes.

Jackson shifts on the bed, but still doesn’t release me. But…I’m not upset by it. On the rare occasion that Zack cuddled with me, it always felt like the calm before the storm. Being held against him would keep me stuck in place, heart pounding and dread pooling like a million lead balls in my stomach. All while waiting for the unavoidable moment he would wake and burst the bubble. Subconsciously I brace for the dread. But it never comes. And even when he sleepily snuggles closer, all I feel is content. Which is what finally causes me to move. I shouldn’t feel so content this soon after leaving Zack. And I definitely shouldn’t be feeling this way in the arms of my brother’s friend.

And now I’m being a creep. I shake the thoughts away and tiptoe across the room to the bathroom, and quietly go through my morning routine. While I know Jackson and I need to talk about last night, mostly so I can apologize for waking him, but to also thank him for calming me down. I’m not quite ready to disrupt how calm I’ve felt since waking up. Instead, I sneak out of the bathroom, stealing one last glance of his gorgeous frame, before making my way downstairs to make some coffee.

The sound of the ocean pales in comparison to her laughter.

The past hour has gone by smoothly. Mostly, Kat and I listened to her talk endlessly about what is new with the families in town, even though Kat doesn’t know any of these people. For a few minutes, I even believed that we would make it through a meal without my mom getting under my skin. Then she goes and brings up Todd. My teeth grind painfully together while I attempt to breathe calmly through my nose. Apparently my mother thinks I should be over the fact that my brother got my ex-wife pregnant.

I have told my mother repeatedly to not bring up the baby, and even though it’s my one line in the sand, she always finds a way to cross it. This past year has been eye opening to many things. The biggest of which is my mother’s complete lack of respect for boundaries. She finds a way to turn any situation to be about her, even making it sound as if saying “no” to something is a personal attack to her.

How am I supposed to be happy when my sons aren’t even talking to each other?” My teeth are clenched so tightly it hurts, while every inch of me feels like it’s burning. The realization that she’s putting her own best interest before my own, once again, settles like an ache in my chest.

“Ah, so it’s like a forbidden brother’s best friend romance happening!?”

“No! Nothing like that. I mean, yeah he’s attractive, but—” “Attractive? That man is a tattooed muscular god!” She exclaims while fanning herself dramatically with one hand. I chuckle, not bothering to tell her she’s wrong. Because she’s not.

“Sometimes I feel like being this close to the ocean is more therapeutic than actual therapy.”

“Doc Davis told me that the negative ions in the ocean air is what makes us calm.” I grip the back of my neck while I ramble. “And that the rhythmic predictability of the waves helps de-stimulate our brains.” “The sounds and views trigger the parasympathetic nervous system and allow us to relax.” Kat chuckles, stepping forward with a quick glance over her shoulder. “She gave me the same article to read over when I told her that the grounding method doesn’t always work to calm me down.”

“Some mornings, being out here is the only thing that pulls me completely from the memories.”

She runs a hand through her hair, gathering it all in one of her hands before draping it over one shoulder. “It’s just…I mean come on, what sane person gets up before the sunrise every day?” She pauses for a breath before holding up a finger for each point and continuing. “Old people, parents, someone with a job to get to, and people who can’t sleep. That’s who is up before the sun. You’re not old and don’t go into work. So, unless you’re hiding a kid that you run to check on every morning…” She trails off, glancing away with a shrug. “Or maybe I’m just hoping that it’s not just me that can’t sleep. In which case, ignore me.”

card being held up. She didn’t even bother finding different save the dates. “You should be there. Please, put your issues aside for one day. You’ll regret it if you miss your only brothers wedding to—” “To my ex-wife. He’s marrying the woman who cheated on me.” I cut her off, seething while my heart pounds in my chest. From the corner of my eye, I see Kat cover her mouth. That’s not even the worst of what they did, but I can’t dwell on that right now. My mom sighs, gearing up to defend her reasoning, but I speak first. “Don’t. Don’t you dare defend what they did.” I shake my head, rubbing at the pain in my chest. “This is bullshit. They knew what they were doing and there’s no forgiving them. I understand he’s your son as well, which is why I never, ever, bring him up to you and would think you would offer the same courtesy.” “I’m just trying to help…” My mom whines, but I hold a hand up.

I cross my arms, my fists gripping my shirt while my mom sets the source of my pain on my island. She reaches for her purse, glancing between me and Kat before settling on Kat once more. “Maybe you can convince him to push things aside for one day and—” “I would never ask someone to do something that clearly causes them pain.” Kat cuts my mom off. Her voice is low, but I’m stunned by the conviction in her tone. My mom only blinks in response, her mouth opening, and closing like a gasping fish.

Thea comes skipping down the hallway, her heels clacking loudly against the hardwood floors. When she comes to a screeching halt in front of me and looks me over, her wide, excited smile softens. She reaches out and grabs my hand in hers, squeezing gently. “Thank you for going out tonight.” I wave my free hand dismissively, but she continues on. “I mean it Kat. I can tell that this is a big step for you, and if at any point it becomes too much, I will take no offense to you and Jack leaving early. The girls are staying at a hotel in town, I can just crash with them.” My brows furrow and I’m left speechless. While Thea and I have gotten close, she’s never once asked about my past.

“Nope, that’s not why I said anything. You’re healing from something, and you don’t have to tell anyone, including me, until you’re ready.” She squeezes me to her side, stopping us next to Jackson’s truck. “If you never want to share with me, that’s fine. But like it or not, I consider you a friend so…you’re stuck with me and I’m here to listen if you want.” Swallowing hard, I tilt my head back and blink rapidly, refusing to let the tears that are lining my eyes fall. “Thank you, Thea.” My voice cracks on the whisper.

Slowing my pace, I allow Jackson to step up next to me and shoot him a worried look. “I haven’t done shots in… years.” I panic whisper to him. He chuckles in response, placing a hand on my lower back and encouraging me to keep moving. “As long as you want to do one, go for it. I’ve got your back and you deserve to have some fun. You drink and dance as much as you want to, and only because you want to,” he says with gentle affirmation. “And I’ll be right here, looking out, and waiting to bring you home.” Any hesitancy that creeped its way in, melts away at his words.

“And how did you two meet?” “He’s friend’s with my brother,” I say and the reminder hits me in the gut. Guilt settles heavily over me. Alan wanted me out of the city to make sure that Zack was brought to justice by the authorities. Meanwhile, I’m here watching his friend get himself off and having inappropriate thoughts about it.

Being here is what I imagine standing in the eye of the storm feels like. I know the chaos is still surrounding me, I know that simply leaving the city doesn’t mean my troubles have gone away. There is still a mess of problems that I need to deal with. Especially now that I physically can. But for the first time in a long time, I feel calm.

At the bar, Jackson talks with the bartender about the hockey game that’s on the TV, checking on me over his shoulder every few minutes. Each time we make eye contact, my heart skips a beat. At this point, I’m almost wondering if I should go to the doctor to check if I’ve developed some sort of heart condition.

“I still can’t believe you’re about to get paid to go on dates,” Thea says playfully, if not a little jealous, just as I’m taking a sip of my drink. “What?” I practically choke out as the alcohol goes down wrong.

“To answer your question, Kat, yes you heard that right. I’m about to start a new job as a date for hire.” She shoots a smirk toward the other women. “You should’ve heard Nana.” They all laugh, but I still have so many questions. Not wanting to overstep, I keep them to myself and make a note to ask Thea later.

“So, is lumbersnack over there as good in bed as he looks?” My eyes bulge out of my head and I whip my head toward Addison. “I’m not…” I shake my head, trying to form an actual sentence. “We haven’t…” She shoots me a look that screams, “coulda fooled me.” “Well then, I’m gonna need you to report back when the tension finally snaps,” she giggles.

“Maybe two shots,” Addison mumbles next to me. “Not one for dancing?” I question, focusing back on her. “I like the endorphins released from dancing. However, I am a self-conscious over-thinker.” She grabs the shots before the bartender has even finished setting them down and hands one to me. “Cheers to silencing the voice in our heads and enjoying the night.” I clink my glass to hers, glancing back to Jackson only to find him staring at me and freeze with the shot only an inch from my mouth.

Her blue eyes are electric, framed, and highlighted in all the right neutral colors. Two braids on either side of her head wrap around to the back and intertwine while the rest hangs in loose curls. Everything Thea did to get her ready for girls’ night only enhanced Kat’s beauty. Then there’s that damn dress. There hasn’t been a day that’s passed where I haven’t thought about how beautiful she is. From the way her eyes sparkle in the morning light as we walk the beach, to the way I find a new color in her dark brown hair every day. Before tonight, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her with makeup on and in tight-fitting clothing. I even let her keep one of my spare hoodies, which she now favors at night when we’re hanging out on the deck.

I resist the urge to let my gaze trail down her body again, and tip my chin toward the shot glass in encouragement. The breath heaves from my lungs at her response. Keeping her eyes on me, she smirks before throwing the shot back, and licking her lips. I follow the movement, watching a drop miss her mouth and slide down the side of her chin. She reaches up to catch it on her thumb. When she raises a brow and slowly wraps her lips around her thumb, it takes all my effort to stay in place. The subtle sass that breaks through has me shifting on my feet and fighting the urge to adjust myself.