The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center

by Rhaina Cohen

Beginning in 2009, Coloradans have been able to register for a designated beneficiary agreement by filling out a two-page form that lists rights in sixteen categories, mostly related to health and finances. Unlike marriage, the designated beneficiary agreement uses an à la carte model; the two people can choose to grant or withhold each of the rights, and rights don’t have to be assigned reciprocally. If a father and son were to register, the father could make his son his health care proxy, but the son doesn’t have to designate the father. It’s simple and inexpensive, covering many of the core rights that are part of a costly estate-planning process. (In contrast, the remaining domestic partnership laws in the United States tend to offer few rights; Joan’s lawyer couldn’t recall ever recommending Maryland’s domestic partnership law to clients because she believed it offered too little to be worth it). There are advantages to getting a lawyer’s expertise to draw up legal documents and, with it, a prompt to have hard conversations with loved ones, as Joan did. But Colorado legislators knew that many people don’t or can’t afford to do so and, as a result, may end up with someone they wouldn’t have chosen making serious medical or end-of-life decisions on their behalf. Amelie and Joan know this, too—they emphasized to me that they have financial and educational privilege that allows them to access solutions that most people can’t. The designated beneficiary agreement at least ...