The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center

by Rhaina Cohen

Friends can explicitly ask for recognition, as Joan did from her community during the museum party, but there’s no guarantee people will grant it. Apart from declaring Amelie her “non-romantic life partner,” Joan specifically requested that any invitation to her also be extended to Amelie, a gesture that touched Amelie. Nevertheless, Joan had to keep reminding people to include Amelie as her plus-one when they sent invitations for backyard barbecues and birthdays. Since same-sex marriage became legal and same-sex spouses have become assumed plus-ones, Joan says “it’s a little worse” that her friendship with Amelie is overlooked. “Now that the state approves of [same-sex marriage]—and I hope it will continue to do so—then it becomes harder for the people who don’t have the government stamp of approval to assert what their relationship is,” Joan says. She had tried to convey the weight of their friendship in her speech, but “that doesn’t mean it lands forever in a way that [it does] if you have a huge party and wedding celebration.” Joan says, after a wedding, “people don’t tend to forget to invite your spouse.”