If we stop expecting relationships to come to a decisive end, Barker explains in Rewriting the Rules: An Anti Self-Help Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships, “it becomes possible to change one of these aspects [housemate, sexual intimacy, supporters in times of crisis] without necessarily changing all of the others. Which ones aren’t working anymore? Which ones still are?” Unlike many romantic relationships that operate with an on-off switch—you’re either each other’s number one or absent from each other’s lives—our friendship is more like a dimmer that can easily be adjusted.
