Together, M and I had built a frame that marked the perimeter of our specific relationship, in an unconventional shape no one had told us we could make. We delighted in that discovery. When our friendship changed, I felt like I had lost the frame we had constructed and the person it contained. For a short while, I considered whether those losses were inextricable or if I could separate them. It was M I wanted: her incisive questions, her gentle voice singing jazz standards as she padded through the house. But I also wanted the permission to be effusive, the feeling of being chosen, the access
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