The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center

by Rhaina Cohen

How much of the humor rested on the assumption that friends don’t decide to spend the rest of their lives together? Was it really that absurd?

Andrew’s friendship defied two widely held beliefs: that a partnership is, by definition, a romantic relationship, and that without a long-term romantic relationship, life is incomplete.

I began to see how these unusual relationships can also be a provocation—unsettling the set of societal tenets that circumscribe our intimate lives: That the central and most important person in one’s life should be a romantic partner, and friends are the supporting cast. That romantic love is the real thing, and if people claim they feel strong platonic love, it must not really be platonic. That adults who raise kids together should be having sex with each other, and marriage deserves special treatment by the state.

compulsory coupledom: the notion that a long-term monogamous romantic relationship is necessary for a normal, successful adulthood.

“When we channel all our intimate needs into one person,” the psychotherapist Esther Perel writes, “we actually stand to make the relationship more vulnerable.”

While we weaken friendships by expecting too little of them, we undermine romantic relationships by expecting too much of them.

It’s uncontroversial to argue that many Americans need a thicker web of relationships. And yet, the cultural ideal continues to treat a single romantic relationship as the key to fulfillment.

The question is whether people can pursue the relationships that matter to them with dignity and recognition by their society and legal system.

described a core principle in their relationship as “Mutually Assured Non Complacency.”

an erotic relationship in Audre Lorde’s understanding of the term: one that strengthens your resolve, feeds creativity, and gives you energy to change

Gerstel and Sarkisian conclude that marriage, instead of being the cornerstone of community, as many politicians and experts claim, often strains community ties.

What does sex mean to you? What do you want sex to look like in your life?