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Emma holds a hundred questions between her teeth,
How does one do that
The image looked more like an off-brand gummy bear than a baby.
ha ha ok that's funny
Arden Hills was like a dead tree in a forest. Even as it rotted, new life had sprung up, feeding off the decay.
ok simile
This whole trip, they’d ridden in silence, thin as the skin on a cup of milk left out on the counter and yet never broken.
the skin on a cup of Warm milk - how long has the milk been sitting out? warm milk would skin over faster. But if you have to keep explaining your similes maybe you're reaching too much.
Her stomach roiling, she shopped like a picky toddler—graham crackers and peanut butter, a bag of cashews, a loaf of bread, raspberry jam, cereal.
grim. Rick Hadley is tall and lean, with brown eyes and a face that looks hastily assembled,
face hastily assembled - kinda funny
She’s practiced this in her head a million times, and still it’s coming out in sputters, like a hose with a kink in it.
unnecessary simlie
That liminal space between the end of work and the start of sleep,
liminal is a good word
She worked better thinking of them not as people but as a series of problems to solve.
kinda like this perspective tbh
so overpowered the rest of the decor that it was like a gravity well in the middle of the room.
simile
“Should we … I mean, are we going to sleep in here?”
it's been abandoned for how long? why even ask.
Together they stripped the bed. She marched to the hall closet, where she found a set of linens, stale-smelling but serviceable, and made up the bed again, fresh.
um, ew? covered with dust?
He wanted to be liked—or rather, he was desperate not to be disliked.
interesting observation
formless, all-powerful fear, a scuttling thing like insects under her skin that makes her want to scream or to hit things.
simile
They found a broom and some old rags and started to attack the dust and grime.
Why didn't they bring anything with them? a broom and old rags without hot water and cleaning agenst will do very little.
“I’ll go by the hardware store. I can pick up cleaning supplies that aren’t over a decade old
again. Why didn't you bring them with you
I couldn’t…” Her teeth clicked shut.
ok weird
Her curiosity is like silt at the bottom of a stream, stirred up by a probing stick.
simile
“You’ve been through the ringer, haven’t you?”
it's the Wringer - like being wrung out
once again she had the sensation that she was standing on a beach with the waves stealing the sand out from under her feet.
not sure when she had this sensation before but this is a pretty good simile
She didn’t know. She’d hated them in a way that was indistinguishable from love, loved them in a way that might have been hatred. She had feared her father and resented her mother and wanted to leave forever, but there were good memories, too,
Ok for a trite easy read this cut deep. "there were good memories too"
The dusty silence of the tree house wrapped around Emma like a blanket.
too easy of a simile
What if they thought they’d been covering for one another, but it had been someone else all along?
It better not be some rando we haven't met.
They left downtown, slithering onto the sun-dappled lanes that separated the busy heart of Arden Hills from its outskirts.
slithering? why slithering?
He paused, as if considering long and hard. His thumbnail scraped along his jaw.
weird flex but ok
Remembering that night was like seeing light bend through water. The angle kept changing when she moved her head.
again expalining the simile. but it's like trying to grab something underwater but you miss because of the light bending
And something had to be done.
NGL what she did/they did/anyone did needs a better setup
