Out on a Limb

by Hannah Bonam-Young

It’s horribly cliché, but his smile is beaming—far brighter than the sun. I feel myself bloom with it, as if it’s my own personal version of photosynthesis.

“The moment you shook my hand with your left, I was ready to do this.”

“Win, if you walk out of that room sturdier than me, I won’t be happy.” A leg joke? Be still my beating heart.

“Good,” he says, scratching my inner thigh with his stubble as he pulls my panties to the side with an unexpected roughness. “Now sit for me… honey.”

With Bo’s eyes held on me in concern, he does the unexpected. He brings my small hand away from my teeth and to his lips. Then he kisses each of my little fingers, one by one. No one has ever done that.

It fucks you up, competing against low expectations. Nothing feels like a win.

“I’m documenting! We’re about to meet our kid. I don’t want to forget anything.”

“I also made sure to stock condoms in the guest bedroom in your honour. Extra-large ones too,” she says, winking at Bo.

“Yeah, I think I would. I know the timing isn’t exactly ideal, but if you lined up every other person in the world who I could’ve had a baby with, I’d choose you again. You’re going to be a fantastic mom, Win.”

“It’s bizarre to live more life than the person who gave me mine…”

“Was—was that it?” he asks, looking between me and his hand. “That was it,” I say brightly. “Holy shit… Hi! Hey there!” he yells to my stomach. I shush him, giggling. “Sorry, sorry.” He falls back, laughing as he swipes both hands through his hair. “That was insane. I can’t believe that.” “There’s a whole person in there,” I say. “I kind of forget how wild this all is. What your body is doing. What you are doing. It’s amazing…”

“You’re perfect, Win,” Bo says, as easily as breathing. “Of course I’d want them to have every part of you.”

“Joanna would have loved you, you know. You have her same… care. I can tell life has not been easy or always kind to you, but you haven’t let it turn you hard. Not like a stone. You became like water. You move with it all. You’re soft… but powerful.”

“Ever since I met you, it’s like every part of me has healed a little bit.

“Bo,” I say like a promise. “Bo,” I force out from the hollow of my chest. “Fuck me,” I beg. “Please,” I whine, thrashing backward. “Not yet, honey. Not until you come on my fingers first. I’m fucking dying to. Trust me. But I need this from you first. Need to watch you.”

“Well, then, make sure you say my name clearly, honey. I want them to know who makes all those pretty noises come out of your mouth.”

“Every day for weeks afterward, I thought about you. I thought about your smile. Your laugh. Your eyes… your mouth.

“You are my soul’s purpose, Win. To know you, to love you, to build a family with you, to spend every day taking care of you, to watch you shine and get all the good things you deserve out of this life.”