Twisting My Melon

by Shaun Ryder

Bez didn’t invent his way of dancing when he got up on stage with the Mondays that night. That’s just how Bez dances. That’s how he’s always danced. That’s how he walks. He would dance like that all the time, even if he was in a gaff that was just playing cheesy chart music. He would dance like that when he was straight, if he was ever straight.

Shaun Ryder on Bez's dancing

There was a space and time, around then, when me and Bez spent every day on acid for a good year. Every day. It got to the stage where we were eating black microdots, which are quite strong acid, and they didn’t even phase us any more.

Muzzer reminded me recently about this punky-looking girl I met in New York, who had dyed red and black hair, and was really nice looking. I was sharing a room with Muzzer again, and when I took her back to the room he was in bed but I thought he was asleep. I start getting it on with this bird and she says, ‘I want you to hit me.’ I said, ‘I don’t want to hit you.’ She said, ‘I want you to hit me – I like it.’ I was like, ‘Nah, leave it out.’ But she kept on at me, ‘I want you to hit me. I love it.’ So in the end I just gave a little slap, and she did love it. Then she hit me back, so I clobbered her again and so on. I picked up the phone handset and smashed her round the head with it, and that must have knocked a glass over on the bedside table because somehow some glass got in the bed and she got cut, and now there’s blood everywhere, but I’m still shagging her and she was loving it. Next thing she says, ‘I want you to cut me …’, but before I could say anything, Muzzer jumped out of bed and said, ‘Woah, I’m putting the fucking brakes on this now.’ She cleaned herself up a bit and just got off. I think she had a bit of a dent in the side of her head from the phone, but that’s what she was into.

This had me in hysterics...

I loved the Marcel King track ‘Reach for Love’,