The Man I Know

by Daisy Jane

We've been married for twelve years. I don’t think the man I was then ever anticipated how the love I felt for my wife would evolve. I love her more now than the day I married her, but I also burn for her. She consumes me. It’s a desire and need that grows over time.

She’s given so much, and that should be enough. Yet there’s a part of me that doesn't just savor what she gives, there’s a part that wants to… take.

There’s beauty in a knot. A simplicity that fascinates me, how they bind, restrict and tether you.

“Having kids makes your relationship stronger, as long as you stay honest and communicate, even through the stress.” That’s absolutely true. Not a single syllable is a lie. “The sex gets better. Her body changes, her wants do, too. And you rediscover her and everything she needs and wants. It’s… pretty fucking amazing.”

She may have worshiped me like a king, but she is a queen. My queen.

I mean, I closed up like a fuckin’ Spirit Halloween on November 1st, but it still made me feel good that she wanted to know more. She wanted to step into the darkness and start feeling around with me, make sense of it for me.

“No, Laws, I could never think you’re a monster. Never. You’re the man I fell in love with, the man I’m still in love with, the father of our boys.” Her eyes grow misty, the conviction of her words causing her voice to rise. “You’re my everything. And I love you so much more now that I know all of you.”

“I never knew that man was inside of you. And I get why you were nervous to show me. He’s… you’re… a lot. But it’s a good a lot. It’s a sexy, erotic, thrilling a lot.”

“You, my beautiful, perfect wife, have the most beautiful throat. You took me so well, and you held your breath so long. I was so amazed by you. And I wish you could have seen yourself, baby.”

“You looked so beautiful in those ropes. Just seeing you in them made me wanna come. In fact, I’m going to jerk off to the memory later, I can assure you.”

“More than the ropes, watching you take me in your throat and fight against me, I can’t tell you how that felt. And I know that took trust. You trusted me to take what I need, but leave you with something too. And I hope I did that. Because Jes, you did so good for me, baby, you really did. I need you to know, if you never want that again, we don’t have to. But know this, you made me so proud, and I love you so much. No matter what.”

“And part of being a dominant is putting your partner’s needs above yours. It’s part of the balance of power, if I had to guess.”

“Well, I guess we have kept the spark alive.” More than. We’re burning our entire world and roasting marshmallows as we do.

We call it a lifestyle because of how seriously we take our rules. We’ve had accidents before and we learned very quickly to respect the kink, whatever it is. Learn it, live it, breathe it. Explore its ins and outs, what works and what doesn't, and do the good things over and over.”

But this letter is for the lows. For when you need a reminder of why we push ourselves to explore our needs. Because it brings us closer than ever and that’s all I’ve ever wanted. To be as close to you as possible.