In the days and weeks afterwards, I thought about the birth constantly. I felt the need to talk about it, but to whom? I recalled the ecstasy and the agony. I was in shock and also in awe of my body. I was fascinated by what happened, how overwhelming it was. How close to death I had felt. How close to death it felt like we had been. It was the most dramatic and frightening experience of my life. The pain and loss of control took me to a place that I don’t think I’ve ever returned from. I wanted to talk about it, but there was no one really to talk to and there were only so many times I could
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